Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, October 3, 1994 TAG: 9411120008
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 3 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: ANA VECIANA-SUAREZ KNIGHT-RIDDER NEWSPAPERS
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
``A good relationship with your kid's teacher is essential,'' says Walter Gray, an elementary-school assistant principal.
``Parents convey something very important when they ask their children every day: How did it go in school today? What did you learn? What assignments did your teacher give you?''
As a new school year begins, I asked teachers and their bosses what they'd like parents to do at home to build a close relationship between these two important figures in a child's life. Their answers, regardless of grade level or years taught, carried a universal theme: Help us! We're all in this together.
Or as Coral Gables (Fla) High's Hazel Bernard, a math teacher for 27 years, put it: ``Support - that's what we want from parents. The worst thing parents can do is to not back us up.''
On a similar refrain, Bernie Schultz, who teaches at Bair Middle School in Sunrise, Fla., pointed out that parents sometimes refuse to discipline their children at home for troubles at school. By coddling the child or shielding him from the consequences of bad behavior, parents unconsciously undermine a teacher's authority.
``If there's inappropriate behavior and the parent has been made aware of it, please follow through at home,'' Schultz says. ``It's wrong and very unrealistic for parents to expect the teacher to be the sole disciplinarian.''
Along with the support from home, teachers want parents to express their respect for a teacher's job and authority over their child. They's also like parents to understand classroom demands and constraints.
Sound simple? Should be, but teachers lament that parents' not-too-respectful mumblings and off-the-cuff remarks about school often get repeated by their children the next morning - usually in a classroom full of other kids. The result: A child is less likely to follow a teacher's orders and to behave with respect.
``I come from a generation when the teacher was God,'' said Sylvia Silverman, a speech and language pathology teacher at Castle Hill Elementary in Lauderhill, Fla. ``Not any more. We get students who say, `You can't make me ...' Or, `I'm going to tell my mother.' Or `I'll sue you ...' It is a very litigious society, and we get some very strange reactions.''
Bernard, the Coral Gables High teacher, told a story of a mother who demanded that her son's grade be changed. Her reasoning: The grade was not what he was accustomed to receiving.
``I tried to explain to her that his performance in my class did not merit that grade,'' Bernard says. ``But she wouldn't listen. She didn't want to hear that maybe her son needed to do the work to get the grade.''
Bob Kaufman, an American history teacher for 27 years and basketball coach at Killian High in Kendall, Fla., says parents must be willing to accept a teacher's expertise in the classroom. ``Allow the teacher - or the coach - to do what he knows how to do if he's fair with the children and has a good rapport with them.''
This doesn't mean a parent relinquishes responsibility for the child's education. In fact, every teacher I spoke to asked for more parental interest and involvement in school.
``We are there for them,'' says Eloise Breault, a second-grade teacher who was South Miami Elementary's teacher of the year last year. ``I would like to think of us all as a family.
``The biggest mistake parents make,'' Breault says, ``is lack of involvement until they see the report card or the progress report. And sometimes by then it's too late.''
This especially can be true for parents of older students. Says Gray, the elementary school assistant principal, who worked in middle schools for 22 years: ``Parents at the elementary level, especially in the lower grades, tend to be very interested in what their children are doing. As they get older, you don't see the parents as much. Maybe it's because older kids don't want parents to come in. But, at all levels, interest is critical.''
It's important to communicate with the teacher about relevant information - that is, anything that might affect your child at school. Teachers, in turn, are usually happy to inform parents of their expectations, testing policies, grading, discipline and homework routines.
One teacher said she's always grateful to parents who let her know when an event at home - a divorce, a death, an impending move - is likely to influence their child's school performance. Even explaining a child's medical problem may help the teacher understand why Johnny behaves the way he does.
Some parents may not be sure when it's appropriate to call a teacher. Educators and parent activists say: Go ahead and call. A phone call can assuage any anxiety on the part of a parent - and frustrations on the part of the teacher.
``Speak up,'' says Mary Fertig, a mother of six who chairs the district advisory council for Broward County's public schools. ``This is your child, and you want the best education possible for him.''
by CNB