
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: WEDNESDAY, November 16, 1994                   TAG: 9411160089
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: iBEN BEAGLE
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

DISTRACTIONS CAN RUIN YOUR CREDIT RATING

I've probably ruined my credit record by forgetting to send in one lousy payment of $31.34 on time. I don't even remember what it was for.

I'm sure FAX machines all over the country sent out messages saying: "Bennie Beagle is a deadbeat who doesn't pay his bills on time."

It was my fault all right. I didn't send the money on time, but there are other factors at work here.

I don't want to whine, but this bill was due on the 7th of the month, and I usually don't have any bills that are due then. The closest I come is the 10th of the month. They come due daily after that.

In addition, I've been extremely nervous and forgetful lately. I've been worried sick about Roseanne and Tom and whether I'd be able to stay up late enough to watch the Whitney Houston concert on HBO.

I don't know why I worry about such things. I missed Barbra Streisand on purpose and nothing bad happened.

For another thing, we've been in an election campaign in Virginia that seemed likely to last at least until Armageddon. It didn't last that long, but it did bore elderly citizens, such as yours truly here, to the extent that we forgot the Social Security 800 number and took rather more naps than usual.

I think some of us forgot to vote and were rather hoping that Armageddon would come and end all this foolishness.

(Old people, incidentally, aren't as afraid of Armageddon as those citizens with knees that are still in one piece.)

The main point I want to to make here, however, is that much of the blame for my being late must rest with certain merchandising procedures my creditors use.

Exposure to heavy perfume unhinges me, and the odor of those ads they put in the envelope with the bill often drive me insane - which tends to make you forgetful.

Estee Lauder is especially bad for me. It's probable that Estee's scents caused me to have a disabling hallucination just when I was about to write the check.

I also forget things when I look in an envelope and find a really great bargain like a Redskins blanket for $30.

I would add here that my wife would rather do time in a maximum security institution than allow such a blanket on any bed in the house - including the old mattress cover my dog Millie sleeps on.

And I want all of those people to know that Bugle Boy britches don't come in my size.

by CNB