Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: WEDNESDAY, November 23, 1994 TAG: 9411230086
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Now, just in time for Thanksgiving comes the Flapper-Tank-Ball Family Tradition. We're not proud of it, but there it is.
We have heard here before of the flapper tank ball, also known as an FTB. We've seen that it has more to do with your plumbing than it does with little Pilgrim maidens in gowns of snowy white.
The FTB is a curious rubber device that is essential to the flushing of your average toilet. It ideally plops down in this hole, plugs it and allows the water tank to fill up again.
I don't want to get into too much detail here - it being the holiday season and all - but these things sometimes go bad. At our house this never happens on, say, April 5. It has happened two years in a row just before Thanksgiving.
The Pilgrims didn't have indoor plumbing and therefore didn't need to worry about defective FTBs. That's probably why they never said bad words and were very chaste and pure.
I would also say that a person wearing one of those hats that buckle in front might have a little trouble replacing one of these things.
Last year, flapper-tank-ball failure eventually resulted in a new commode and sink for one of the bathrooms - the cost of which would have financed the Pilgrims' trip to the New World with enough left over for a lot of gowns of snowy white.
This year's failure in another commode doesn't appear to be as crippling. I put in a new FTB, seemingly without breaking anything. But we'll have to see. It makes everybody nervous.
I know it's not in good taste to associate plumbing with the holiday season, but this has become part of our family tradition.
Most people have a tradition of family members coming for dinner through drifted snow, after having been over the river and through the woods and cheering all the way.
The children can hardly wait to get there and keep yelling: "Happy Thanksgiving! Hooray for the turkey, the pudding and the pumpkin pie!"
No woods or river or snow for us. Just the plumbing and an uneasiness that does something bad to the mood of the family.
On the way to our house, nobody is even thinking about the turkey or pudding or the pumpkin pie.
Everybody is pretty somber, and one of the older kids says solemnly: "Gee, I hope the old man hasn't had any trouble with flapper tank balls this year."
by CNB