Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, December 5, 1994 TAG: 9412080018
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A-9 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE:
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
EDITOR'S NOTE: We welcome today as guest columnist Ms. Cellany, who has graciously consented to provide our readers with a selection of ``Helpful Holiday Hints'' from her plethora of practical knowledge.
Gentle Readers! God rest ye, merry!
Ms. Cellany is delighted to be here with you today, to share, from her vast body of experience, a little advice regarding the holidays: a few tips and hints, reminders, suggestions, memoranda, advisements, cues, and words to the wise, as it were.
The holiday season can be - and, indeed, it most usually is - hectic, obligation-filled, exciting, frustrating, twinkling, and even a little bit tipsy. ``Survival Skills'' for this most fulsome season are much to be desired.
Fortunately for you, ``Survival Skills'' are Ms. Cellany's favorite hobby!
Survival Skill 1: Be prepared for unforeseen changes in the weather, automotive breakdowns, interstate accidents and potential three-hour waits in the parking lot of any popular mall by keeping with you in your car - at all times! - blankets, matches, water supplies, batteries, nonperishable foodstuffs, first-aid supplies, reading material, toilet tissue and puppets. (This last to keep the little ones occupied.)
Ms. Cellany also recommends that before the holiday season, you gain proficiency in any popular meditative practice. This will profoundly influence your ability for personal patience. When trapped in traffic, Ms. Cellany urges you to use your meditative practice to concentrate on what is, and not on anything else that might, in another time, be.
Survival Skill 2: Keep in mind that ``assertive'' and ``aggressive'' are not exact synonyms. Experts agree (and Ms. Cellany concurs) that one can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Consider, for instance, the following scenario. One has approached an express check-out lane with five carefully chosen items, for which one is prepared to pay (!) cash.
Just as one is about to enter the line at the counter, however, one is interrupted by another shopper, this second shopper pushing a basket laden with (one can clearly see) 16 flannel shirts. Additionally, this second shopper is brazenly brandishing a check book.
One will no doubt be tempted to shout, ``This is the cash-only express line, you idiot!'' How much more effective, however, to say, with calmness, ``Perhaps you didn't notice, but you have more than 10 items there.''
If the second shopper nevertheless replies, with haughty tone, ``I only have one thing: flannel shirts,'' then one should gently insist (and I emphasize here the term ``gently''), while pointing to the check book, ``Yes, I understand. But this is the cash-only lane.''
The second shopper might then reply, ``Butt out, Beavis.'' To which one should continue saying firmly, ``Yes, I understand. But ... '' until the desired result is achieved.
Or until one is out of the store, whichever comes first.
Survival Skill 3: Ms. Cellany is sad to have to admit that, no matter what one does over the course of the next four weeks, one will not be able to banish the visions of sugarplums dancing about in one's head. Nor will one be able to resist the thought of figgy pudding, candy canes, pumpkin pies, chestnuts roasting by an open fire, or chocolate-covered cherries.
And so, Ms. Cellany's final ``Survival Skill'' for the season is this simple plea: For yourself and for those you love, buy in bigger sizes.
Monty S. Leitch is a Roanoke Times & World-News columnist.
by CNB