Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, December 5, 1994                   TAG: 9412300048
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

CAPT. KIRK WAS A JERK, THEY SAY

In case you don't remember the lieutenant, she did communications on the Starship Enterprise some years ago.

At the risk of being sexist, I remind you further that she wore inter-galactic hot pants as well as anybody in or out of the universe.

Nichelle Nichols, who played Uhura, says in her autobiography that William Shatner - who hammed up outer space as Capt. Kirk - was "an insensitive, hurtful egotist."

Come to think of it, Bill did come down kind of hard sometimes on the lines and the action.

In addition, George Takei, who played Mr. Sulu , says the captain upstaged everybody and was the "sad, stubborn, oblivious butt of derisive jokes."

I always thought the captain kind of overdid walking through those swishing doors, but I didn't know the beggar was a scene stealer.

If this is true, it's a wonder the Enterprise cruised around as long as it did with Kirk at the helm.

You can't be running all over outer space searching for new civilizations and going - in those pre-politically correct days - where "no MAN has gone before" with that kind of morale problem.

Imagine the scene on the bridge of the Enterprise when Uhura finally lets the captain have it.

"Captain," Uhura says, spinning around beautifully in her chair. "I'm getting a strange message from a human who speaks in an English accent, although he has a French name and his brother grows grapes in France. He says he's the real captain of the Enterpriser."

"Not now, lieutenant," Kirk says. "Mr. Spock is teaching me the old Vulcan neck pinch."

"But, Captain," the lieutenant says, "this guy is serious. He says you wouldn't know a Klingon from a grapefruit or a photon torpedo from a vacuum cleaner."

"Can it, Uhura," Kirk says. "And go to your quarters and put some decent clothes on."

"That's it," Uhura says, getting out of her chair beautifully. "The women are taking over this ship from you insensitive, hurtful egotists."

The women appear with their phasers on kill, and Kirk is taken to the brig. A court-martial clears Uhuru ,and the next time the Enterprise sails, this Frenchman with an English accent is in command.

Kirk is discharged for the good of the service, and Uhura, who filed sex-discrimination charges with the Federation, is now an admiral in Star Fleet.