Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: WEDNESDAY, December 28, 1994                   TAG: 9412280056
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: KATHERINE REED STAFF WRITER
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

PLOT LINES WEAK LINK OF `READY TO WEAR'

There's a photo of his shoes, his pants, his jacket, even his tie - but no face. "We know what he wore," a French police inspector says, examining the photos. "We don't know who he is."

With yet another murder-mystery to anchor his meandering plot lines, Robert Altman is off and running with "Ready to Wear," or "Pret-a-Porter," as it was originally titled, a movie about the silly, often ho-hum launching of the fall collections in Paris, an event that has about as much to do with real life as some of the absurd fashion conceptions that come out of it.

That is not to say that "Ready to Wear" is silly or boring. Altman has so much style himself, such a wry eye, that the movie is pretty much fun. But is not quite "vintage" Altman, and the inescapable triviality of the subject matter is partly to blame. Assemble a diverse collection of petty, back-biting, superficial, screwed-up designers, fashion journalists, models and their hangers-on and you can't quite expect to explore the depths and heights of human experience.

And that's fine. But Altman is a little off his game in another way: There are at least two plot-lines in this not terribly intricately webbed story that are so weak - so extraneous, really - that they weaken the movie as a whole. It's more or less the same problem that Altman had in "Short Cuts," where he wasn't quite satisfied with taking a handful of Raymond Carver's best short stories; he had to throw in a lousy one of his own, and undermined himself in the process.

Weak story No. 1 in "Ready to Wear" involves Tim Robbins as sportswriter Joe Flynn, trapped in a Paris hotel room with Julia Roberts, who plays alcoholic fashion writer Anne Eisenhower. Flynn is about to leave when his editor tells him to stay put to cover the aforementioned murder. Eisenhower is supposed to be covering the shows. But Flynn's suitcase is stolen, and Eisenhower's never made it out of the airport. Eisenhower is about to check into Flynn's old room when Flynn finds out he has to stay. They fight over the key, dash for the room and - what, you already knew? - end up having to share.

Maybe Altman thought his movie required a good, old-fashioned romantic comedy to keep us sane what with all those homosexuals running around. But Robbins and Roberts do literally nothing but get drunk, wrestle under the sheets, bicker, make up and start over, and it's more tiresome than cute.

Then there's the Terri Garr-Danny Aiello story, which involves Garr buying clothes all over Paris for Aiello, who is a cross-dresser. And that's about all there is to it.

The great news is Kim Basinger as the insipid, clueless TV journalist Kitty Potter, who is covering the shows. Well, let's just say she tries. Basinger is so good, she's scary; her eyes never once reflect a glimmer of understanding of anything that is being said to her or anything that she is seeing.

Her interview with Elsa Klensch is classic. Klensch is describing the shows in Milan, the short skirts, the A-line skirts, the sarong skirts, "but then suddenly, the poof skirt emerged. Now you must remember Lacroix's poof skirt? We were poofed and poofed and poofed? Well, it could be that we're going to be poofed again before the turn of the century."

Basinger's always determinedly pretty face hardens as she attempts to ask what she considers to be the most intelligent question possible: "Will you be poofed?"

"I doubt it," Klensch replies.

Stephen Rea as super-hip super-slime fashion photographer Milo O'Branagan is a riot, especially in a scene with Linda Hunt in which he tricks her into getting down on her hands and knees - then takes a picture of her.

Under all the elegance and style, there is a striking lack of dignity about these characters. They will do just about anything to get what they want, and that is a truth easily found by the likes of Robert Altman.

Altman fans may end up just wishing that next time this wonderful director makes a movie, he picks on a subject his own size.

Ready to Wear ***

A Miramax Films release, showing at The Grandin Theatre. Rated R for nudity, profanity and adult themes. 2 hours and 12 minutes.