
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: THURSDAY, January 5, 1995                   TAG: 9501070006
SECTION: EDITORIAL                    PAGE: A11   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: THADDEUS RIDDLE
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

JUST CUT THE HAIR, AND THE CHATTER

BARBERS HAVE always aggravated me more than car and furniture salespersons. I started my dislike many years ago in my hometown in western North Carolina. I think my first off-color joke was heard in a barbershop.

Barbershops have always cultivated gossip with more vigor than any old washwoman looking up to give directions to a traveling salesperson. They thrive on yesterday's sex scandals and questions that were never thought of at my last IRS audit. They think they have a right to all your private life, past, present and future.

When I moved to the New River Valley five years ago, the first barbershop I went into had more conversation going than any early-afternoon country-club bridge set. I was greeted with: "Well, haven't seen you 'round here." I wanted very badly to tell him I had been avoiding his kind of barbering for many, many years.

All I want is the hair off my neck and from around my ears. I got an earful and so did he; I lied about every question and each lie I told caused more curiosity. When I left, he had no idea who I was, where I was from or where I might be going.

The next barbershop made a repeat customer of me. They cut your hair, talk if you want to talk but they mind their own business.

I recently moved out to the country and, hoping to find a closer barber, I went into a new shop I spotted. I was greeted by, "How can I hep ye?" I told this barber I wanted a hair cut. I had not settled into the chair before it started.

"Well, where you from?" "Different places," I replied. "Are you from Virginia?" Well, I was born in North Carolina. "Where at in North Carolina?" Asheville, another lie but it gave her another opening. "Billy Graham is from there. You know him?" No, I don't. "How long you retired?" I had not mentioned that I was retired. A few years, I replied. "Are you enjoying your retirement?" I have enjoyed myself all my life. "Whet you retired from?" I was in the hotel business. "Them hotels up in Williamsburg are going bankruptsea. Did you work there?" No. "Well, where did you work?" She was really getting annoyed at me. I have worked from New York to Florida. "Did all them hotels you worked at run their own kitchens?" Some did, some didn't. "Which one had the best cook?" They were all good. "You got any children?" No. "Where you going to eat Thanksgiving dinner?" I don't know. "I guess you get pretty tired eating out all the time." No. "Well, where you like living the best?" That would take a long time to tell.

About this time the door opened, and a man about my age came in and asked where the other barber was. "He's a-hunting." The man turned and said, " I'll see you."

Now there's a man who knows whose barber chair to avoid.

Thaddeus Riddle lives in Pilot.

by CNB