Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: WEDNESDAY, January 11, 1995 TAG: 9501200035
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A-13 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: DETINE L. BOWERS
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
From cartoons to popular television programs to grandmother's and granddad's house for the holidays, girls are mostly relegated to background, while young boys are put in the foreground in conversation, in competitive activities, in praise; boys are just loved a little bit more.
Why is that? Because tradition says that's the way it ought to be. While girls are often reared to toil away in the kitchen to ensure that the holiday dinner is prepared, where are the boys? In the garb of family ``wise men,'' they are engaged in conversation about the happenings of the day, their futures, amateur politics or that all-American favored topic of discussion - sports!
During the holidays, a friend discussed how he observed treatment toward the children in his family where boys obviously received more attention than girls at the family holiday gathering. While grandmothers ask the details about the lives and futures of their grandsons, granddaughters often stand and twiddle their thumbs, help prepare the meal or set the table, or gather amongst one another to talk about anything - anything that will keep them from standing alone. The gift of gab is born.
Then the conversation turns to praise of all the accomplishments of the boys - how well they are doing or prescriptions for what they should be doing. Never mind the girls!
On the same day that I discussed this issue with my friend, I happened to rent the video ``Like Water for Chocolate,'' one of 1994's substantive films I had missed seeing at the theater. This story about a young woman forced to repress her love for a man because she is bound to a Mexican tradition where the youngest daughter must serve her mother until her mother dies is heartwarming because it defies the worst type of tradition - one that disallows the development of the whole person.
The oppressed girl, Tita, becomes a talented cook, a loyal slave to her mother, while her recipes become an avenging tool to eat away at a tradition that eats the hearts of talented young girls. Spiritual forces beyond Tita's human power ultimately destroy the tradition, and love and human worth are victorious. Tita, with the help of divine power, ends the tradition, the curse, to spare future generations of girls from senseless oppression.
Like Tita, many girls learn their proper places early on, and they display their training well during the holidays and special occasions, unless one of the boys decides to lend girls moments of power by holding serious conversations with them about their lives. At least, until he is pulled away by his mother, grandmother, father or grandfather to become the center of attention himself, to do the traditional carving of the turkey or some other formal act that relegates to the background those who toiled to prepare the meal. What can a girl do but smile and say, ``I'll tell you the rest of the story later, Uncle David?''
Everyone bows to the tradition of having the boy or man carve, even the girls who look at one another and think, "but I helped do the work!" ``Well, they're just the girls,'' one of the family members says. ``They don't mind.'' Later, one of the family members tells an excerpt of a story about the girl, as if girls can't speak for themselves. Heaven forbid offering girls a chance to speak for themselves or to lead the family discussion at a holiday gathering!
As we learn from ``Like Water for Chocolate,'' the tears and dampened spirits of young girls after the holiday gatherings or celebrations can end only when the recipe is altered - when women and girls alter the holiday meal to include themselves in the center of conversation, when they highlight their accomplishments for the year, when girls get to do the ceremonial carving, poem or prayer, when girls are praised for their holiday work, and when boys get to stir the chocolate and trim the turkey before they're displayed on the table.
What about adding it to the list of New Year's resolutions?
Detine L. Bowers is assistant professor of communication studies at Virginia Tech.
by CNB