Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: SUNDAY, February 12, 1995                   TAG: 9502100038
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 4   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: DARRYL E. OWENS
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Short

GROUND RULES FOR A GOOD ARGUMENT

DO:

Fight fair. No personal attacks, please. Practice substituting compassion and understanding for the wielding of influence and control.

Listen attentively to your partner's concerns. Nothing shuts down a discussion faster than a partner who appears bored or disinterested. Signal complete attention to the other through posture and eye contact.

Reach a settlement. It's an old adage, but don't go to bed angry.

DON'T:

Hold in your feelings or concerns. Not talking about what irks you is not only bad for your health but can breed anger and contempt for your partner.

Allow an argument to spin out of control. Use conflict management skills, such as uttering a code word such as ``timeout,'' thus allowing each partner to take a breath, count to 10 and begin with a calmer demeanor.

Be afraid to get help. If the arguments are becoming more frequent and more venomous, a counselor may be detached enough to help sort out what is the underlying cause of the friction.