Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, February 13, 1995 TAG: 9502140012
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A7 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: MONTY S. LEITCH
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
``I've found the perfect house!'' she crowed. ``It's the house of my dreams! The house I was meant to have!''
Then she went on to describe a once-farmhouse, now a fine edge-of-town house, built in parts, some of the parts predating the Civil War. ``You ought to see the attic,'' she declared. ``It's grand! And there's still wavy glass in some of the windows.''
I congratulated her. Told her I thought it was splendid that she felt so at-home right away.
And then offered to give her a matching set of ``Draft Doggies'' for her house-warming gift.
For there was one house, I could tell, that would need a heap of warming.
Old farmhouses certainly have their charms. They have character and personality. They have allure, appeal and a magic all their own.
But they also have bare dirt crawl-spaces a mere 6 inches beneath their floors, hordes of mice, snakes, drafts, an amazing dearth of insulation, uneven floors, rattling windows, roofs that leak no matter how they're patched, and unendingly interesting plumbing.
This is what my friend has been discovering ever since she moved in. Last week, during our cold snap, she called me.
``Oh,'' she lamented, ``all our pipes froze. I called in the plumber ... ''
I said, ``You did what?''
``I called in the plumber,'' she said, ``and he came out and told me there was nothing he could do. You wouldn't believe the way our plumbing has been put in.''
``It's in the crawl spaces, right?'' I asked her. ``Right down next to the dirt?''
``How did you know?''
``And in the hollows of walls where there should have been insulation.''
``Why, yes!'' she said. Amazed at my perspicacity.
Here's what I've learned about old houses: Our Federalist forefathers were mighty clever when it came to foreseeing our modern political needs, but they weren't so good at foreseeing our need for spaces in which to add indoor plumbing.
``After the plumber left,'' my friend continued her story, ``the man of the house got out one of the kids' hair-dryers and broke loose the ice himself.''
A trick that nearly always works, by the way.
She said, ``But while the plumber was here, he told us that we're going to have to have all the pipes replaced. All of them! Can you believe that?''
I refrained from answering.
So my friend went on, rather wistfully I thought. ``Do your pipes freeze in this kind of weather?''
``Not anymore,'' I told her. Because several years ago we had all the old copper tubing replaced with nice flexible PVC. ``Replacing plumbing,'' I mused. ``Now, there's the messiest house repair in the world.''
``Messier than replacing the plaster?''
Well, it didn't seem the right time to tell her the truth. So I said, ``Maybe not that.''
Besides, she'll figure it out for herself soon enough.
Monty S. Leitch is a Roanoke Times & World-News columnist.
by CNB