
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: WEDNESDAY, February 15, 1995                   TAG: 9502150042
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

PHONE CALL WAS EXERCISE IN INTIMACY

Don Ameche, when he played Alexander Graham Bell and spilled all that acid on his britches and woke up Henry Fonda, had no idea where technology would take this country.

Neither did I.

I don't want to give you too intimate a look into the private life of an aged, semi-hysterical, semi-retired reporter, but I had an experience that neither Don, nor Alex nor Henry would have believed. Or approved of.

It began when I mortgaged our future recently and bought a NordicTrack Walkfit machine.

As anybody who has a television set knows, this is a treadmill device that the user powers with his/her legs, and it has these poles on it that you push back and forth to exercise your "upper body."

When I noticed this device was making approximately the same kind of wheezing noises I was making, I dialed the 800 number on our new cordless telephone. It's essential to remember that I used this phone.

I got a very cheerful young woman named Julie who said such noises were normal - at least for the treadmill - but she said he would like to hear the thing run.

I suddenly realized I could take this phone into the basement, and there I was, holding the phone close to the treadmill and walking on it at the same time.

"Did you hear it?" I asked, breathing a little heavily from making the treadmill run.

Julie said yes, and it sounded fine to her. She assured me my bearings were all right.

After Julie had given me her extension number and I had hung up, it came to me that this affair was vaguely improper, and couldn't have occurred with the old immobile rotary phone that used to hang on the kitchen wall.

I mean, here I am in a sweat suit in the basement at 7:30 a.m., letting a young lady from Minnesota listen to my treadmill.

Julie seemed to sense nothing wrong with this telephone encounter in the basement. At least, her breathing remained normal. These young people are used to bizarre stuff like that. And cordless phones.

I think this kind of intimacy is dangerous for old persons. I think you feel you can really break down and talk to someone who has just discussed your treadmill with you in the early morning hours.

I don't mind admitting, for example, that I almost told Julie about the new $2.35 three-way bulb I broke by screwing it into the socket too hard.

I dunno. I kind of wish they hadn't invented three-way light bulbs.

by CNB