Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, February 20, 1995 TAG: 9502220009
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
(All right, I'll admit I briefly crashed the ceremony in church. John-Boy looked radiant.)
I don't know how the whole thing went on television, but this is what I think happened:
Ma Walton was a little winded after being up three nights in a row getting ready for the reception. She still managed to look pretty good at church, although she had tossed and turned a lot and said "good night" out of sequence four or five times.
Pa Walton went to the ABC store in Charlottesville and got a permit to transport three gallons of booze.
Ma Walton was beside herself because Ike Godsey hadn't delivered the pate de foie gras, and the truffles were going badly.
John Walton parked the family Porsche among the other four late-model cars and stumbled as he came into the kitchen.
"John," Ma Walton said, "how could you get into the sauce for your own son's wedding? I think you spend too much time with those sots and hussies down at the Dew Drop Inn."
"Oh, just wipe the flour off your nose, Olivia," Pa Walton said. "I've seen you a little happy in my time - like the New Year's Eve you did the Charleston on the table and everybody saw you had lipstick on your knees."
"Give up hope all of ye who would take of strong drink and abuse thy bodies in this fashion, for thou shalt know the sting of death," said Grandpa Walton, also tripping as he came into the kitchen.
"Put a sock in it, you old fool," said Grandma Walton, coming into the kitchen quite gracefully.
(All of the younger Walton children were being just as sweet as they usually were. Writing stupid things with soap on the rented limousine never occurred to them.)
John-Boy, being a highly sensitive writer, came into the kitchen and said he had cold feet, but Pa Walton gave him a soaring lecture on the joys of the institution of marriage, and he straightened right out.
Ike got there in time with the pate de foie gras, and the Waltons, as usual, pulled together to make the wedding a success.
All of which paved the way for more TV specials in which the rest of the Walton children get married.
That means more work for poor Olivia, and more flour on her nose.
I hope she leaves the receptions up to Grandma and spends some time drinking Gunthers with a good-looking sailor down to the Dew Drop Inn.
by CNB