Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, March 13, 1995                   TAG: 9503140027
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

O.J. WOULD HAVE MADE A WRECK OF PERRY

It was over by the lunch break after Perry made the felon confess in court - sometimes from the witness stand. The judge and the lawyers had time for a nice lunch and some golf.

The next week Perry would be back - making the district attorney look like Howdy Doody - and getting that confession.

"Yes! Yes! I did it! I stabbed her in the foyer while all the other guests were drunk and playing strip poker in the drawing room. Then I threw her body off the cliff at the back of the mansion."

As a weak-willed person who has gotten too near the O.J. Simpson trial, I began to wonder how Perry would have handled a case like that.

We all know that in this proceeding the chances of getting a courtroom confession aren't very good.

Guilty parties wouldn't have time to confess because the lawyers for both sides would be in conference with the judge at the side bench most of the time.

You'd look pretty silly confessing to throwing Alicia's body off the cliff out back if nobody was listening.

I think this would make a wreck out of old Perry. He was used to being at the bank by noon and taking Della Street to dinner after cashing his client's check:

"I can't stand it anymore, Della. These conferences with the judge are driving me nuts. I've got a friend in Glendale who has a nice, quiet divorce practice and needs a partner. The fees are garbage, but I need a break.

"I love the hurly-burly of criminal law, but it's getting so these days you can't buy a courtroom confession. I'll miss it, but I just can't take it anymore."

(We should say here that if Perry had been forced to practice law like that, the sponsors would have dumped him, and he'd have been doing divorce work in Glendale anyway.)

Perry was good before a jury - with those soulful, brooding eyes and deep voice. In the Simpson case, though, lawyers don't see a whole lot of the jury because things are going on that the jury shouldn't hear.

For days, the jurors are socked away in a room somewhere, wondering what the hell is going and if they will ever see their loved ones again in this life. I wouldn't blame them if they were in there telling lawyer jokes.

Now, let's go to CNN's legal ace Greta Van Susteren for some of her thoughts on this. Greta? Greta? Wake up, for Pete's sake.