Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: THURSDAY, March 23, 1995 TAG: 9503230042
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: LISA K. GARCIA STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
Cate Foster and Peter Wasel were living together with her son Isaac, then 5, when they took a beach vacation. Peter built a castle during that trip and carved the name ``Wasel Castle'' in the soft grit of wet sand.
Isaac was quick to object. He said the castle should have both Foster and Wasel in its name.
A compromise was reached. Wasel Castle became Fasel (pronounced ``fossil'') Castle.
``It got to be kind of a joke. We said, `We're the Fasel family,''' Peter said.
But it was no joke when Cate and Peter married and took their new names: Cate Fosl and Peter Fosl.
``I wanted to get the `e' out of there,'' Peter said explaining the spelling. He said people had often mispronounced Wasel, using a long `a.'
Cate and Peter said they both feel like they won: Cate got more letters from her name used, and Peter said it was an easy transition from Wasel to Fosl - at least to the ear.
``I'm proud of what we did,'' Peter said. ``I felt almost like we were starting a new clan.''
For many people, the Fosls' choice represents cutting family ties. But the couple depicts a growing trend of people who choose alternate naming systems when they marry. The naming options can cause conflict and confusion that 30 years ago rarely existed. The trend is so new, in fact, statistics are difficult to pin down. What is clear is that the choices, and the people making those choices, are becoming more numerous each year.
One characteristic seems clear of this group - they tend to carry at least one college degree and often times more than one. And they are in middle- to upper-class income brackets.
Peter Fosl teaches at Hollins College and holds a Ph.D. in philosophy. Cate Fosl is working on her doctorate in history.
Bride's magazine seems to be the only one asking women if they will retain their last names when they marry. The answer? Well, 13 percent of their readers who responded in 1994 said they would keep their names. This was up just 1 percent from the magazine's 1991 survey.
The confusion comes with the multitude of options - keeping one's name unchanged, choosing or creating a new last name, merging last names to make a new one, hyphenation of one or both partners' names, changing the husband's last name to his wife's, and, of course, the most common choice - changing the woman's last name to that of her husband's.
Some people think only one of those choices is the right one.
When a co-worker at WDBJ-Channel 7 calls John Wiley-Vawter to the phone, it is by his hyphenated last name. Now married for the second time, he is being called by a hyphenated name for the second time.
``Their reaction the first time was mostly, `That's just John,' '' he said chuckling. ``My parents didn't understand it, didn't understand why.''
Wiley-Vawter, of Floyd County, said he did not want anyone he married to lose her identity. He calls himself ``a fully-liberated man.''
Hyphenating both partners' last names is the only solution, according to Wiley-Vawter.
``I find [it] more offensive to keep both last names," without either person changing, Wiley-Vawter said. "I don't see the point of that, 50 percent of everything you have is his or hers.''
He had made his decision long before he married, and his first wife greeted the idea enthusiastically. His second wife, he said, did it ``because I went for it.''
And Wiley-Vawter's 4-year-old daughter? He says she is fully liberated, too, and has no problems with her name.
Some couples look to the Bible for answers. Many people would be surprised by what they find there today.
Gerald Paul Baile Crouse, 37, and Rebecca Baile Crouse, 35, married in 1986. They met while studying at the Bethany Theological Seminary in Oakbrook, Ill. Eventually, they took jobs as co-pastors of the Antioch Church of the Brethren in Callaway.
He took her last name - Baile - as his own; and she took Crouse. He signs checks Gerald P. Baile Crouse. Each of their three children carries Baile Crouse as a last name.
``The basic reason we did it is because we believe marriage changes both identities,'' Gerald said. ``It generated a lot of questions, [that] allowed us to share our feelings on marriage.''
With more women becoming ordained ministers, Gerald said, many students at seminary questioned the traditional system.
``There was no Biblical basis'' for a woman to take her husband's name. ``The Bible is very patriarchal - a woman was clearly property,'' Gerald said. ``We've moved beyond that.''
His and Rebecca's seminary classmates decided they believed God wanted women to be treated equally and that married couples' names should reflect that. Many students simply kept their names with no changes. Others hyphenated their last names, which the Baile Crouses decided was too cumbersome.
Rebecca said that their ages when they married - at 27 and 29 - had a lot to do with their decision. She says that her ``identity'' had been as a Baile for 27 years.
``It was my main core,'' she said.
Ask Leonard R.N. Ashley the logic of naming systems and you will get an anthology on the worldwide variety.
Ashley is a professor of English at Brooklyn College of City University of New York, and author of the book ``What's in a Name?''
He said Spaniards, at one time, kept adding last names to represent each parent and passing them to the next generation until some people carried upwards of 50 names.
``Their coat of arms looked like an aerial view of the AIDS quilt,'' Ashley said, noting the system was eventually outlawed.
Russians give different surnames to sons and daughters. A man's surname means ``son of --,'' and a woman's ``daughter of --.'' The last names literally mean the children are the son or daughter of the father; there is no reference to the mother.
Many British did, and still do, hyphenate last names to include references to both the mother and father's lineage. Oscar-winning actor Daniel Day-Lewis from "My Left Foot," "Last of the Mohicans" and "In the Name of the Father," is just one example.
"What about your children?" is a question often posed to couples who choose to hyphenate their last names. Many parents say that question is best answered by the children.
Jaime Robert Lea Burns-France, 15, of Roanoke, is one voice of that next generation. His middle names are family names - one from each side. His parents hyphenated their last names to create his. The name Jaime is all his own.
``Probably the hardest part about living with my name is that people can't seem to figure out that I really do have a hyphenated last name, and that I also have two middle names,'' Burns-France said. ``Of course, it doesn't help that my name is a sentence, but even ignoring that, I get lots of mail to Jaime B. France or something like that.
``I'll tell someone my whole name, and they look at me strangely, trying to figure out if I'm joking or not.''
His thoughts on marriage would best be summed up by saying Burns-France is a product of his environment.
``I think that [my choice] would really depend on who I married and what they were like,'' Burns-France said. ``If my wife didn't care, I would probably suggest each of us keeping our own names, because hyphenating would be very impractical and the idea of changing my name, or someone changing their name for me, doesn't feel comfortable to me.''
Contemplating his children's names, Burns-France said hyphenation would be impractical. He guesses he and his future wife would choose one last name - either his or hers.
Confusing as it appears, Burns-France said he likes his name and would not change it.
``[It] isn't as bad as it looks. It's not much of a pain usually, and it can be an interesting conversation-starter.''
Lisa K. Garcia married S. Kurt Stephenson on Oct. 15 1994.
by CNB