Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, March 27, 1995 TAG: 9503270021
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A9 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: MONTY S. LEITCH
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Conversations with a 4-year-old are of a different order. They're constantly, solidly disputatious. The subject doesn't matter.
When we went outside to play ball, he said, ``I'll be the batter and you be the baller.''
I said, ``You mean, `I'll be the pitcher.'''
``No,'' he insisted, ``you throw the ball. I'll be the batter.''
``OK,'' I said, giving up.
At the playground, he insisted I ride the steep, twisty slide with him. ``I might be scared,'' he said.
``But you went down it fine yesterday,'' I reminded him. ``All by yourself.''
``But I might be scared,'' he repeated. And I realized we were having another argument.
So, I rode the slide with him.
He laughed all the way down, but I was scared, and squealed from top to bottom. The mothers sitting on the sidelines got a good laugh out of me. They know about 4-year-olds.
``I know what,'' he said one morning at 7:30. ``Let's go get a movie, and I can get a snack.''
``But it's too early to go,'' I said. ``The store's not open yet.''
``Yes it is.''
``No, it's not.''
``It is.'' Followed by a thundering run down the hall and a slamming bedroom door.
A few minutes later, I went to check on him.
``Do you want to play baseball?'' I asked.
``You won't let me get a movie,'' he answered.
``All right,'' I said. ``All right. Let's drive up there and see. But I have to warn you, I think the store will be closed.''
Well, the store was open. We got the movie and - after another brief skirmish - a package of sugared doughnuts exactly like the doughnuts in the cabinet at home. Mothers have told me, ``Pick your battles.'' I begin to see what they mean.
Our longest and deepest discussion, however, concerned ``The Lion King,'' a video with which this 4-year-old is intimately familiar.
We're discussing what to watch, when he asks me, ``Do you like Uncle Scar?'' referring to the movie's villain, an exquisitely oily outlaw played by Jeremy Irons.
Who wouldn't like Jeremy Irons?
``He's my favorite character,'' I say.
``Me, too,'' my nephew tells me.
A brief silence.
``But Uncle Scar is the bad guy. Do you like him?''
``Yes,'' I say. ``He's the best character.''
``And the hyenas?'' Pronounced in 4-year-old as ``hy-nee-nas.''
``Yes, and the hy-nee-nas, too.''
So, we watch the movie. ``That's Uncle Scar,'' he tells me, when the bad guy slinks on screen. ``Do you like him?''
``Yes,'' I say.
``Me, too,'' he tells me again.
But just a little bit later, I notice that as the hy-nee-nas and Uncle Scar plot against Simba, my nephew has covered his eyes.
``Is this the scary part?'' I ask him.
``No,'' he says defiantly. ``I like Uncle Scar.''
Does anyone ever win?
Monty S. Leitch is a Roanoke Times & World-News columnist.
by CNB