Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: WEDNESDAY, April 19, 1995 TAG: 9504200041
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A-9 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: CAL THOMAS
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
In this scenario, I obtained a top-secret transcript of a meeting between Republican National Committee Chairman Haley Barbour and President Bush at Yale's Skull and Bones cave shortly after the Persian Gulf War.
``Mr. President,'' said Barbour, ``you're riding high now with 90 percent approval ratings, but you know you don't have a vision for the country and are bound to lose to a younger Democrat who promises `change.'
"You've always served your country well. I have a plan that will involve your sacrificing a second term, allowing Democrats to control the government for two years, but I think it will result in a GOP takeover of Congress in 1994 and the White House in '96, the destruction of the Democratic Party's liberal wing and Republican dominance for 50 years.''
``Gosh, Haley,'' Mr. Bush replied. ``I've always tried to do the right and prudent thing. Do you think it will work?''
``Work? I know it will work, Mr. President. Only no one could ever know. We'd have to take it to our graves.''
``Not a problem, there, Haley. I could always keep a secret. Why, when I headed the CIA ... ''
``Never mind that now, George - may I call you George?''
``Sure, Haley, all my friends do. Have another glass of white wine.''
``Here's the plan. We've been grooming this guy Clinton for years.''
``Bill Clinton? The governor of Arkansas?'' replied Bush in disbelief. ``He's a closet Republican?''
``Shhh, someone will hear you. Yes, Clinton is our mole inside the Democratic Party. We started providing women and liquor and the usual stuff while he was still at Oxford. The guy wants to be liked more than you do. Uh, sorry, George.''
``That's all right, Haley. I can take it. I was in the war, got shot down ... ''
``Listen, will you? Clinton has agreed that if we help get him elected president, he'll do exactly as we tell him. He'll raise taxes, after first promising to lower them. Then he'll blame the rich for not paying enough, and he'll do that after raising their taxes retroactively. And when he announces for re-election, he'll refuse to promise he won't raise taxes again. And he'll say he takes that position as a matter of principle! Won't that be a laugh?''
``Now, Haley, let's not make fun of our fellow man.''
``But, George, here's the kicker. I've talked to Bob McNamara and he's agreed to help us. Sometime in 1995, McNamara will publish a book in which he admits to being wrong about the Vietnam War and claiming to have felt that way even while he was ordering young men to die.
"Veterans groups will go ballistic, reminding everyone again of Clinton's war nonrecord. We'll get Clinton to say something dumb like McNamara's book vindicates him. He'll defend his anti-war demonstrations on foreign soil and his attempt to avoid the draft by pulling political strings to join a reserve unit and then, after the lottery threat was diminished, making himself available. We can keep this pot boiling right up to the '96 primaries.''
``It sounds good, Haley, but what will people think of me for losing the election?
``George, if you love your country, you'll go along with this plan. This is the only way Republicans are going to take over. We have an idea for an off-the-wall surgeon general, and we're going to get Clinton to push for gays in the military and abortions for everybody! And listen, there's something else. It's called `Whitewater.' It could be Clinton's Watergate. We have plenty on that just in case he decides he actually likes being president and wants to break his agreement with us.''
Here, the transcript is soiled by spilled white wine and the rest is illegible.
Sound impossible? Well, is there a better way to explain the president's behavior?
- Los Angeles Times Syndicate
by CNB