Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, May 1, 1995 TAG: 9505030012
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Dreadful business, actually. Tonya says CBS paid her mother to wear a microphone as part of this show in which Tonya was to appear.
The network said it wired Tonya's old lady, but didn't pay her anything. It then canceled Tonya's appearance - which is probably the only glimmer of hope in this entire sordid affair.
Thinking persons may wonder why anybody would be interested in anything an ice skater like Tonya might have to say to her mother or anybody else.
Such a mother-daughter relationship makes you think we ought to bring back the Dan Quayle Family Values Police.
You can imagine some terrible scenes between Tonya and her mother - whose name is LaVona, by the way.
It is, for example, Mother's Day and Tonya has returned home after a great practice in which she didn't fall a single time doing her axels and didn't break a single lace in her skate boots. She also has not been a party to hitting anybody in the knees.
"Mom," she says, "it's Mother's Day and I have to say I feel like God's in his heaven and all's right with the world."
"Speak up child," LaVona says, pulling at a certain female undergarment worn at mid-torso, "I can't hear a word you're saying."
"I think I'll become a wonderdul, kind person and disappear forever from public view," Tonya says.
"That's nice, dear," LaVona says, obviously embarrassed by humming sounds coming from her mid-torso. "But you'll have to speak up. It must be the excitement and joy a mother feels on Her Day. I'm having a really hard time hearing anything, my dearest skater of them all."
"I can't believe this, you old bandit," Tonya says. "I see now that you're wearing wire for the television people so you can make me look dumb."
"Nobody has to make you look dumb, tootsie," LaVona says. "So what if I am wearing a little wire for money, I can't live on your ice skating. A Sonja Henie you ain't."
"I should've hired sombeody to knee-cap you years ago," Tonya says.
"Fool with me," her mother says, "and you'll be doing enough community service to last you until you're 60."
by CNB