Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, May 8, 1995 TAG: 9505090015
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 6 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: DON OLDENBURG THE WASHINGTON POST
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Victor B. Cline is. ``Some of it is just gross and crude, which has always been there with children. I'm not concerned about that,'' says the emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Utah at Salt Lake City, who specializes in parenting strategies and obscenity. ``Vulgarities are not going to harm any child. But these vulgarities are a symptom of a much deeper, much more serious problem.''
With the communications explosion, in effect, the floodgates of profanity and grossness have been pushed ajar for children, says Cline. And not all of what they see and hear is as innocent as it might appear.
`` `Beavis and Butt-head,' there's a lot of abuse there,'' says Cline, the father of nine. ``There's also a nasty cutting edge to a lot of it out there. It is people abusing other people and people degrading other people, and that bothers me a great deal. I'm also concerned about inappropriate sexuality and violence. I want my kids to be decent human beings.''
The problem, however, isn't the children so much as the parents, says Cline. ``My sense is that no one is minding the store. Very few parents are drawing boundary lines anymore, other than if it's something that irritates them. They are stressed out; I've never seen a generation working so hard and so stressed out. They don't have the time or effort or energy to stop it. ... The crudities and vulgarities are occurring because the parents cannot say no. They are immobilized. A lot of them don't care.''
Cline says that's creating a generation of children without clear values - What is healthy or unhealthy? Right or wrong? What will serve in their best interests?
Psychologist Timothy Jay, whose latest book for teachers and school administrators, ``What to Do When Your Students Talk Dirty,'' is scheduled for publication next year, says that when ``society's gatekeepers - the censors, the editors, the religious figures, the politicians - let something through the gate,'' as they have with dirty words and toilet talk, it implicitly sends the message that they're acceptable.
``So concerned parents have to counteract that,'' says Jay. ``They have to tell their children: `That may be all right on television, but it's not in my house.' ''
An even better strategy, says Jay, is prevention. ``Parents need to take responsibility for transmitting what values they want their kids to have. As soon as your kids are old enough to go to school, talk to them about language appropriateness. If you value non-sexist or non-racist language, for instance, you have to speak up and train your kids not to use that language.''
Psychologist Louise Bates Ames, associate director of the Gesell Institute of Child Development in New Haven, Conn., advises that the fewer things parents ``make a fuss about,'' the more successful they are on the issues that matter most. Concerning children talking garbage and toilet topics: ``I would absolutely put my foot down on it,'' she says. ``I would be very firm and make it totally clear that it is unacceptable and also babyish. We expect 4-year-olds to behave this way, but not 9-year-old kids.''
Victor Cline says the best way parents can vaccinate their children against baser influences is to work hard at developing a genuine relationship. ``There has to be a bonded, positive, emotional relationship,'' he says. ``Then the children will want to be like their parents. And they will adopt the parents' values, not because the parents are shoving values down their throats, but because it is the way to be.''
by CNB