Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, May 15, 1995 TAG: 9505160011
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
I always wanted to write that kind of column.
My mother would have loved it: "Junior? Doing very well. Writes this medical column that's read by a lot of sick folks."
Incidentally, I once knew all 206 bones in the human body. Or was that 107?
Ms. Chase, a lovely woman I'm sure, recently wrote a column in which she suggested we question everything that is done for us, or to us, in hospitals. The column was occasioned by some stunning medical mistakes reported recently in the liberal press.
For example, when they hang up your IV drip, you ask what it's for and when the doctor comes around. You're supposed to ask if your medication ought to be adjusted for weight, age, height or sex.
No offense to Ms. Chase, but I personally never mention weight, age or sex around doctors. Height I can talk about.
Ms. Chase is not a mean person. She doesn't suggest that you raise hell about the Chicken a La Latex you had for supper.
She also didn't mention those IVs that cry out in the night when they go dry. I understand they were invented by a little-known sadist who wanted to make damned sure that nobody sleeps in a hospital.
I know you don't go to a hospital to win the Congeniality Award for the Third Floor. But too much questioning will get you in bad with the staff:
"That guy in 340? Let's put some itching powder in his leg cast and see if he has any questions about that."
Listen, pal. These people can put you on a 1,000-calorie diet that'll make you beg for a huge helping of Chicken a La Latex.
I can tell Ms. Chase that a 1,000-calorie hospital diet is a formidable thing. Happened to me once - not because I asked too many questions, but because somebody thought I was too fleshy, too red in the face and smoked too many cigarettes.
Ms. Chase is to be commended for calling attention to those terrible mistakes and for giving us suggestions to avoid them,
But my advice as a non-medical columnist it not to make too much of a fuss about your IV, your drugs, height, weight,age, sex or chicken dinner.
I think, however, that it's good practice to make sure your knee job doesn't get confused with the triple-bypass on the stretcher next to you in the waiting line for surgery.
by CNB