Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, May 22, 1995 TAG: 9505240026
SECTION: NEWSFUN PAGE: NF-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: NANCY GLEINER STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
``Dad, can I have $5 for ... .''
``But I need these shoes. All the kids are wearing them.''
Sound familiar?
Bet all of you have said at least some of these words. And you've all heard the equally familiar responses:
``I don't care if everyone's wearing them. Your old ones are fine.''
``Money doesn't grow on trees, you know.''
Parent-kid battles over what to buy and how to spend money are part of growing up. It's really not that your parents wouldn't like you to have everything your heart desires. They, being older and maybe a little wiser (believe it or not), have learned some lessons about money.
They know the only way to get money is to earn it (or to steal it, which, of course, is not a good idea). And that means working for it.
They also know that giving you everything you want will turn you into a spoiled brat - really. Know anyone like that? Someone you may know has lots of things and probably tells everyone about it. It might be fun to go to their house and play with it all, but, most of the time, they're not someone you really want to be friends with.
When you're given everything you want, you just expect to have it all - and you always want more.
Here are a few ideas to try when you talk with your parents about money.
Try to figure out what your parents might be feeling, why they don't just give you what you want. Do you really need it? Is it really too expensive? Is it something they might not think is good for you to have?
John's mom was willing to spend only a certain amount of money on clothes. If John got those expensive sneakers, there wouldn't be much money left to buy other things.
Lisa's parents didn't want to raise her allowance because they thought she got a fair amount and that they spent a lot on her already.
Jesse's parents really didn't want her to have in-line skates because they thought she might get hurt. Michael's mom didn't want him to buy clothes that were high priced just because of the brand name.
If you think about your parents' objections, you might agree with some of them, at least.
Spending a lot of money on a jacket or shoes you'll outgrow soon doesn't make a lot of sense. But having some brand name items might be important enough to you to give up other things.
So, how to work things out ...
John decided to earn some of the money himself, combined with money he got as a birthday present, to buy the sneakers. That way, he got what he wanted and his mom stayed within her budget. John showed his mom the sneakers were important to him but that he understood she had a limit.
Lisa made a list of extra chores she could do to earn more money. She appreciated more what she had and she was more in charge of her spending.
Rebecca learned to make her own lunches when her parents agreed to add to her allowance the money they gave her to buy lunch at school.
Jesse's parents agreed to pay for part of her in-line skates if she agreed to always use safety equipment. Michael decided to get inexpensive clothes so he could have more of them.
The old argument that ``everyone else has more'' doesn't work. Let your parents know what some of your friends get for allowance. Write down what you usually buy and how much it costs. Lists like that show parents you're able to keep track of what you spend.
But remember, they're the ones who make the final decisions.
Don't start a conversation about money in the middle of a store. Pick a quiet time at home when your parents aren't busy. Make an appointment with them if you have to. And don't ask about money when you haven't done your chores.
If you'll need more money for a special activity, plan ahead. Talk with your parents a few weeks before.
And don't try to fool your parents by cleaning your room without being asked just to sweeten them up. They'll know something's up. They were kids once, too - they know all the tricks.
Whining is out. To help keep calm, think about what you want to say before it spills out of your mouth. Let your parents have their say, too. If the talk starts out cool and heats up, count to five and take a deep breath.
If things don't cool down, ask if you can continue later when everyone feels better. Give your parents time, if they need it, to think things over before they make a decision.
If you get turned down, wait a few weeks and try again. But sometimes it's best to drop the subject. If you're a pest about it (pestering is next to whining on the no-no list), your parents are less likely to give you money for something later on.
If you think back, there are probably a lot of things you thought you just couldn't live without that really aren't very important anymore. In fact, you've probably forgotten about a lot of them already.
by CNB