Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: WEDNESDAY, May 31, 1995                   TAG: 9505310056
SECTION: VIRGINIA                    PAGE: C-4   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Associated Press
DATELINE: WOODBRIDGE                                 LENGTH: Medium

CHURCH COALITION MAKES PREMARITAL SESSIONS THE RULE

``A lot of churches were frustrated,'' said George Beaven, rector of Christ Our Lord Episcopal Church in Lake Ridge. ``We were like a marriage factory. ... If someone called and said they wanted to get married in your church, if you tried to set some conditions, they'd shop around. Now it's harder to shop around.''

About 26 ministers from a variety of Protestant denominations signed the Community Marriage Policy requiring the counseling a year ago. They say they are tired of seeing their churches used merely as stage sets for weddings and are concerned about a U.S. divorce rate that hovers around 40 percent.

Although there are no numbers on how many couples have received counseling as a result of the policy, the Rev. Charles Chilton of Grace Baptist Church in Woodbridge said he has worked with about eight in the past year. He suspects about eight other couples have gone elsewhere to avoid the counseling requirement.

The marriage policy, like plans adopted by churches in dozens of communities from Fresno, Calif., to Louisville, Ky., spells out conditions.

``It is the responsibility of pastors to set a minimum requirement to raise the quality of the commitment in those we marry,'' the policy says. ``We feel it is our responsibility to encourage couples to set aside time for marriage preparation instead of concentrating only on wedding plans.''

Counseling before marriage forces couples to deal realistically with issues ranging from money management to child rearing, according to Michael McManus, a Bethesda, Md., religion writer.

``During courtship, everyone is putting their best foot forward and their worst foot behind,'' McManus said. ``This gives them a dose of reality.''

The Roman Catholic Church has offered premarital counseling since 1945, and almost all 178 U.S. archdioceses require couples to go through premarital programs. In many areas of the country, rabbis are moving in a similar direction.

Secular psychotherapists also offer more premarital services than they used to. Counseling before marriage could become as commonplace as classes in child rearing and childbirth, some therapists say.

Not everyone is enthusiastic about requiring counseling.

The Rev. Sue Boardman-McKissack and her husband, the Rev. William McKissack, co-pastors at Woodbridge's Pinekirk Presbyterian Church, refused to sign the Woodbridge agreement. They don't believe churches should place rigid requirements on people who come to them to be married.

``I don't like the one-size-fits-all aspect of the Community Marriage Policy, that there's one approach to counseling that works with everyone we marry,'' Boardman-McKissack said. ``If a couple comes to the church to be married, I see it as my privilege to do that. It's not my job to set the agenda.''