Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: WEDNESDAY, June 7, 1995                   TAG: 9506070024
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

THIS MARRIAGE IS SURELY DESTINED TO GO TO THE DOGS

Seven dates in six months cost $400, and you can get 14 in a year for $600.

The ideal outcome of this business is that the daters are soon on their honeymoon.

It's possible this will be the last time these animal lovers will ever go anywhere together. After they have settled in with Herman, his boxer, and Melanie, her golden retriever, they'll find out that the cost of boarding two dogs of those dimensions for two weeks is shocking.

Besides, even if they have the money, they can't bear the thought of their dogs alone and friendless in a kennel for that length of time.

The sad result will be separate vacations, and disaster may loom ahead.

You can see what might happen.

The time comes when Candace - who baby-talks and wooly-bears her retriever in public - must go on vacation while, Bruce, her husband, stays homes with the dogs.

She flies off to the beach after shaking Bruce's hand and kissing her dog. The very first night she settles into the Bide-A-Sea Motel, her eyes and those of a handsome stranger meet across the crowded Catch-0-The-Day Restaurant.

They meet on the beach the next morning, and he tells her that he has a golden retriever named Clementine, an animal not understood by his wife.

He and his wife didn't subscribe to the animal-lover dating service, and she hates the beach and animals in general.

She insists that he take separate vacations, while she stays home and tries to beat some manners into Clementine - a dog with the unfortunate habit of tearing the sofa apart during thunderstorms.

We discreetly leave the Bide-A-Sea now only to find that Bruce has met Ursula, a looker who lives down the street.

She wears red stirrup pants and has a collie named Planchette. Here we have another sad example of failure to use the dating service.

Her husband hates dogs and takes separate vacations to get away from Planchette because the dog reminds him of Lassie and all those bad movies.

I don't have to draw you a picture. You can see where this is leading, and I don't have to get into sordid conjecture here. An animal lover in red stirrup pants should tell you something.

I just hope the dogs don't get caught in the middle and hurt.