Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: THURSDAY, June 8, 1995 TAG: 9506080036
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO BETH MACY
SOURCE: BETH MACY
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Dear Ms. Macy,
I read your entertaining bathing suit piece this morning. It struck me (perhaps too hard) during my second cup of coffee that you have a distinct tendency toward self-deprecating humor which it seems has been a feature of your writing since your pregnancy (are you a psychiatrist?).
I like to think that I, too, am in the ``people business,'' (a used-car salesman?) and view my purpose on Earth as more than just beautifying America (a garbage collector?); therefore I find myself quite sensitive to others' self-perceptions and misperceptions and the pain thereby engendered (you feel my pain, yes; but have you ever tried on a two-piece, French-cut jobbie under fluorescent lights?).
While probably way off-base in my view, I nonetheless feel that in some way you are unhappy, and I as well feel you do not need to explicate the source of your grief in public (Who ARE you? Ed Shamy?). ...
I tried to reach you by E-mail but discovered this is not yet possible (because the boss won't cough up funds for individual accounts), snail mail can be opened by anyone anyway so I figured I'd fax it while it was still on my mind. (A colleague delivered your letter to me - out loud, in front of the entire features staff, thank you.)
Signed, Dr. Andrew G. Roth, Blue Ridge Plastic Surgery.
(Trying to drum up business for your fat-sucker and silicone? Since you frown on self-deprecation, I'll cut to the chase: Forget the psychobabble and stick to the scalpel. But hands off the merch, doc - my self-image isn't THAT bad.)
Dear Beth,
I am a devoted reader and fan of your column (aah, finally). I'm also a 43-year-old male - I don't know what the demographics of your readership is (neither do I) but it's a start.
I need your help. (OK, but I don't do tummy tucks or lip implants.) I attended the Kathy Mattea concert in Blacksburg April 30 and met the three youngsters pictured with Kathy above (two long-haired young women in jeans and long-sleeved shirts, and a young handsome man).
I sat next to them and they were delightful - never once calling me an old geezer (I like your self-deprecating manner). Anyway, they had no camera and I offered to take this photo of them. Unfortunately, I failed to get any names or addresses so I could complete Part Two of my assignment, which was to mail them the photo and negative. Hey, one of them should have reminded me - I'm not as young as I used to be! (But at least you still have your eyes; the picture came out great.)
I really can't afford to take out a big ad to find them, but I thought maybe you could work it into a column about old age (hey, I'm nowhere close to 43!), bad memory (I just turned 31. . . I think?), or great young people that you never hear about but who really do exist (sold!).
If you are unable to help, I'll just carry this picture with me to Blacksburg when I go to my next concert and maybe I'll bump into them again (better wear your bifocals, just in case).
Sincerely, Nelson Martin, Martinsville.
(The Mattea-heads can call me at 981-3435, or 1-800-346-1234, ext. 435, and I'll track down your photo.)
Dear Ms. Macy,
I'm sending the enclosed article on Martha Stewart, FYI, after reading your column. Hope you enjoy it. (I did, thank you. I was stunned, pleased and vindicated by the revelation that Martha, too, is a size 12. But don't tell Dr. Roth - and besides, I'm taller.)
Also, a note about yard ornaments: great startling black figures cut out of, I suppose, plywood and painted to resemble shadows of people on the porch - located at a house on the right-hand side of the road on Route 60 leaving Lexington and going toward Route 81.
Renee Patrick, Lexington.
(YES! Not only has the Midwestern cement goose infiltrated our region, but now comes another trend from my great home state. Driving through southeastern Ohio last summer, my husband and I spotted one of those plywood get-ups, accessorized by an ornamental garden sprinkler that gave the artistic illusion of a man urinating on his tomato plants!
(Martha would NOT have approved.)
Beth Macy is a features department staff writer and a Thursday columnist. She welcomes reader mail (really).
by CNB