Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SUNDAY, June 18, 1995 TAG: 9506170017
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: F-3 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: PATTI GASKINS LOOP
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Even yet, the memories play like scenes from a classic movie. I recall times with my father when we fished from the runabout in the Elizabeth River; raced across the hot sand Sunday afternoons at Virginia Beach; watched the deepening magenta transform the evening sky over Craney Island in Hampton Roads.
He was humorous, sometimes corny, sometimes profound. "Can you see farther in the daytime or at night?" he would ask. "During the daytime, of course!" I would answer, thinking, "Silly question!" And he would answer, "Night, when you're flat on your back, because that's when you can see the stars."
I've tried to recall that logic at times when I have experienced disappointments. When I think life seems dark, I actually may be able to gain better insights than when the truth seems brightly illuminated.
My 6-foot-3-inch father was a contrast in textures. He was stern enough to rear four sons and a daughter with military-style discipline, but sensitive enough to be able to profess his love for us at any age and stage.
He was a rule maker and enforcer. As his children, we knew boundaries.
Occasionally, he would surprise us with a softer side. Once, and only once, we were allowed to take our cat to the beach for the afternoon. The cat was miserable, and the outing was cut short. But looking back, I realize he wanted to say yes and please us as much as possible.
It delighted him to stir up the still-secret barbecue sauce and grill huge steaks on the flagstone patio overlooking the water. He'd cover the kitchen table with old newspaper and serve fresh steamed crabs or slice up a cold watermelon. He liked the biggest and best of everything. I think that's also what he wanted for his children, and why he encouraged us to dig into the books and get a good education.
With a high-school diploma, he accomplished a great deal. His job as naval architect was a responsible one, but he lacked the formal training for promotions. I remember the agony he felt when he was passed over and younger college graduates stepped ahead. The trickle-down effect was that all five of his children earned master's degrees - in engineering, business, education and personnel management. But our best lessons were learned at home.
My father could be a Southern gentleman and, at times, a raging bull. He was also occasionally heroic. Once my middle brother steered the runabout into a dangerously tight circle, lost control and spilled out into the water as the boat spun wildly around him. My father, dressed in a dinner suit for a rare night out with my mother, did not hesitate to dive into the water to save him. Father and son emerged from the water, having experienced a type of baptism. I hid in my heart the image of a father who would not hesitate to give his life for his child's safety.
Thirty years later, this image still moves me.
Looking back, this man I knew only 17 years impresses me even now. He gave me a complicated series of directions. Without being here physically, he still helps me chart my course.
If I could give a present for Father's Day, maybe it would be to help the fathers of today realize the importance of their guidance and example. Actions demonstrated, thoughts expressed and feelings shared in the role of father form the road map which will last a child a lifetime.
Children need role models, boundary setters and someone they can count on to dive in the deep water for them when their occasional follies backfire.
In the "dark" about where to begin? That's OK. Try this simple exercise: Lie flat on your back and focus on the stars. After the big picture comes into focus, you can work out the details.
Patti Gaskins Loop of Blacksburg is a counselor at Eastern Elementary School in Giles County.
by CNB