Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, July 10, 1995                   TAG: 9507100143
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

DON'T WORRY, YOURS TRULY WON'T BE WATCHING

I know all of you have read the mail she got after she said a husband who wanted his wife to watch the washing machine was a cur and no gentleman.

All of these people wrote in to say that there are perfectly good reasons for watching washing machines - although this may not be as much fun as it used to be before the top-loading washers came along.

The old machines had doors in their sides and there was glass in them and you could watch your socks and underwear go around and around.

One woman wrote to say that she didn't watch her machine and the hateful thing caught fire.

Personally, I listen to my washing machine waiting to hear it breaking down. I don't know what Ann would make of that.

I think, however, that we have to give Ann credit for not getting a letter from some bimbo who does her clothes in the nude while her husband watches to make sure neither she nor the machine catch fire.

There was a woman who wrote that her brassiere burned up in the dryer one time, but this is not the same thing.

I suspect, though, that we are not through with this as a topic and we should expect to have mail in which nudism does play a role in washing machine watching.

Like, maybe, a letter from AGHAST IN ALTOONA, who discovered her best friend, Marge, alternates between watching in the nude and wearing a parka and mukluks.

The letter would add that Marge's husband - one of those jock types Ann hates - insists that Marge wear a high-necked, ankle-length dress while she is watching.

Ann would tell a guy like that he is male hog, needs counseling and deserves to have his washing machine catch fire.

Ann may get a letter from PANICKED IN PEORIA, whose daughter is afraid to near her washing machine, much less watch it through the wash and spin cycles.

I think Ann would suggest that that PANICKED's no-good son-in-law do the laundry, although he is working two jobs to make the payments on the washer and dryer and buying Valium for his wife.

I don't think the greatest station wagon driver of them all watches her washing machine. At least, I've never caught her at it.

But I can tell you that she dresses very conservatively when she does the laundry. Conservative as in a Mother Hubbard.