Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SATURDAY, July 29, 1995 TAG: 9508010002
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: B-10 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Mike Mayo
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
In "Dave Berry's Guide to Guys," published by Random House, he cites as his prime example Gary Hart who, in a moment of extreme L-IBF with a blonde sitting on his lap, lost track of a presidential campaign. This week's new video releases deal with the same phenomenon, more or less. Their common theme is good-looking women and the men whose brains freeze in their presence.
My favorite of the bunch is "Bikini Drive-In," an archetypal example of an emerging home video sub-genre: the swimsuit flick. Curiously, in the few years that the form has existed it has already developed a formula as rigid as the sonnet.
All of these movies have the word "bikini" in the title and their plots are identical. A young person inherits or agrees to help a friend with a failing business that a villain also is trying to obtain. The addition of bikini-clad babes to the enterprise in question (car wash, off-road guide service or, in this case, a drive-in theater) causes a financial windfall and an epidemic of L-IBF among the local male population. The bad guy is foiled and each of the primary characters walks off into the sunset with the partner of his or her choice.
This one features a large cast of well-endowed and/or silicone-enhanced young women, led by Ashley Rhey and Sarah Bellomo, who are showing up in lots of videos and magazines these days. It's also got a script with more humor than most. At the titular drive-in, previews are shown for "Gator Babes" and "Goliath and the Cheerleaders" (``filmed in Italy where it really happened!''). Perhaps the subject matter made the movie a labor of love for prolific producer-director Fred Olen Ray. This film seems to have been made with a bit more care than most of his micro-budget wonders.
And though he's not listed in the credits, one of the drive-in patrons looks and sounds suspiciously like director Robert Altman.
"Outside the Law" is an unembarrassed remake of "Basic Instinct," with Anna Thomson, from "Unforgiven," in the Sharon Stone role. She's Tanya, the blond woman of mystery who's at the center of a series of murders. Det. Brad Kingsbury (David Bradley) goes into serious L-IBF the moment he meets her and spends the rest of the movie proving to his partner, Paige (Ashley Laurence), that Tanya had nothing to do with all those murders.
The body of the film follows the structure of its predecessor fairly faithfully until the last reel, when it reaches for a "surprise" ending and turns into a bizarre comedy. Throughout, the characters are one-note stereotypes and the acting is equally flat. The exception is Anna Thomson, who looks like Drew Barrymore probably will in about eight or 10 years. Her icily cold sexiness is the film's main attraction.
"Friend of the Family" is a sort of soft-core "Beverly Hills 90210" about Elke (third-degree black belt L-IBFer Shauna O'Brien), who's houseguest to a dysfunctional family of ultra-rich Californians. Acting as a combination Ann Landers and Happy Hooker, she helps each of them - from the wicked Montana (Lissa Boyle) to her long-suffering dad (C.T. Miller) and step-mother (Griffin Drew) - overcome their sexual problems and accept themselves for who they are. The film is another Andrew Garroni production, so it's highly polished and the people are pretty, even if their acting abilities are limited. That's not exactly the point.
"Illicit Dreams" is a video original that takes the big-screen hit "Ghost" as its model. Veteran Andrew Stevens directs and stars as a building contractor drawn by supernatural powers into a romance with a stranger (Shannon Tweed) who has been dreaming about him. The problem: She's married to a corrupt and ruthless rich guy (Joe Cortese). Stevens' mother, Stella, shows up in a nice supporting role as a fortune teller who claims that "psychokinetic teleportation" is at work.
Stevens has been in the business long enough to know how to tell a well-constructed story (from a script by Karen Kelly) and to make the most of a modest budget. This one does what it means to do.
THE ESSENTIALS
(These four come in R- and un-rated versions for sexual content, nudity and a little rough language. No violence to speak of.)
Bikini Drive-In *** Arrow Video. 85 min.
Outside the Law ** 1/2 New Line Home Video. 94 min.
Friend of the Family ** 1/2 Triboro. 98 min.
Illicit Dreams ** 1/2 Republic. 93 min.
by CNB