Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, August 14, 1995 TAG: 9508150099
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Listen. You could be sitting around worrying about what's going to happen when the millennium gets here and this thing would make you forget it's even coming.
Maybe Julia and Lyle got water bills like that and then - you know how it is - one thing led to another.
I know that I make it a practice never to discuss water bills with my helpmate.
You will recall the county decided to start billing everybody monthly instead of quarterly. I'm a little dim on it, but I think the county was going to estimate usage instead of reading meters every month.
I worried about that. I'd rather faint at the mailbox four times a year rather collapse every month. I'm too old for that. The neighbors agree.
My grandmother taught me that gentlemen don't dwell on the cost of things. I'd have to say, though, that the county's water is pretty pricey. My grandmother might have thought the millennium had come early if she ever saw a water bill of the size we're talking about here.
I'm certainly not saying here that the county doesn't try to get us to understand our water bills.
It sent a pink sample bill along with the real one. You know. One of those things with arrows pointing to various points of the bill.
After I got past the arrow that showed the stub you're supposed to send with your check and the mailing address, I was confused until the arrow pointing to "total due," also known as "amount you pay."
Earlier, under the mailing address section, the county had introduced us to a charming couple: John M. and Jane W. Doe.
I hope the Does won't take it as a reflection on them that I became hysterical when I saw what they owed for what I took to be two months worth of water.
They owed $29.75, including the utility tax.
We use that much water washing the dog and making iced tea.
With a bill like that, the Does probably are on a cruise right now. When they get back, I'd like to talk to them.
It's nobody's business how many showers the Does take, or whether they send the laundry out, or water the grass, or eat out a lot, or wash the dog regularly.
You and the Does should know that I wouldn't get that personal.
But, look, John and Jane, how about letting me in on how you manage to get a water bill like that?
by CNB