Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SUNDAY, August 20, 1995 TAG: 9508180083
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: D3 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BO CHAGNON
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
We are, indeed, a nation suffering a crisis of self-esteem. Lack of esteem inflicts many of us Americans, young and old. We feel a kind of emptiness - an esteem hole - and we try to fill it. But the usual methods fail. The problem is, you can't make apple pie with oranges.
The recent attempt to provide self-esteem in our schools manifests the problem. Esteem was supposed to go into the oven, but pride was put in the pie.
There is a difference.
Esteem has to do with value. Pride has to do with accomplishment.
To have self-esteem is to know that you have value. It is to know, absolutely, that you are worth treating with dignity and respect, just because you are a person. It doesn't matter "who" you are, your very existence as a human being is worth care and honor. Esteem reveres the inalienable qualities of soulful beings immanent in all of us.
To have pride is to know that you have accomplished something. It is to know, by comparing with other people or with your own past self, that your "worth" is greater than another person's, or greater than your "worth" yesterday. What matters is how you compare, and accomplishments that bring honor are "worth" great pride. Pride reveres the relative position of self against an internal or external measuring system.
Esteem is inclusive. It belongs to the mindset of plenty. The more you esteem yourself for inalienable human qualities, the more you esteem all other humans. Jesus was talking about esteem when he said, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." If love is based on esteem, then a greater love of self empowers us to a greater love of neighbor.
Pride is exclusive. It belongs to the mindset of scarcity. Elevation of self for being better means lowering others for being worse. If love of self is based on pride, then a greater love of self is empowered by a lesser love of neighbor.
Esteem motivates us to respect ourselves for the value we share as humans. When we live for esteem we do things which honor and nourish both ourselves and others. The objective is to dignify.
Pride motivates us to compete against others or against our "past selves". When we live for pride we do things to enhance ourselves, sometimes at the expense of others. The objective is to win.
Esteem is eternal. It doesn't depend upon time or change upon whim. The most profound and mystifying qualities of personhood have existed for as long as we can remember. Esteem is a solid foundation for respecting self and others.
Pride is temporary. It depends upon shifting criteria. Having pride in the enormous undertaking of learning to walk disappears when running faster becomes the basis for comparison. Pride is an insecure foundation.
Esteem every day keeps the doctor away. Pride, at best, helps to ward off common coldheartedness.
Esteem can endure humiliation.
Pride cannot fill an esteem hole.
The recent movement in our schools to provide self-esteem correctly recognized the lack of self-esteem in America inherited by our children. The movement "failed" not because the idea of building esteem was flawed, but because the attempts to build esteem were fought on the field of pride. Different mindset. No amount of A's or awards for achievement can compensate for lack of self-esteem.
Perhaps the movement could never have succeeded by itself. Self-esteem has its best chance of becoming the truth we believe about ourselves when it develops before kindergarten. It's a lot tougher to fix it than to do it right in the first place.
And it's tough to fix it in the presence of commercial television. Commercials elevate the field of pride by promoting the idea that happiness depends upon obtaining a product. Very successful commercials make us feel inadequate unless we own or use a certain product, or a particular brand. Whenever a teenager kills another teenager over an expensive pair of shoes we have a testament to the success of commercial television.
Let's not blame the schools for the problems of our whole society; and neither claim that our national preoccupation with pride needs to be "fixed" in the schools alone; nor claim that esteem has actually been "tried," either in our schools or in our mainstream culture.
Let us, instead, create a world in which we give our teachers the apples of our eyes: children who have learned self-esteem because they have been esteemed, children who treat themselves and others with dignity and respect because they have been treated with dignity and respect, children who have escaped valuing themselves by "commercial" standards.
I assure you: If we do, America's teachers will know how to bake America's apple pie.
Bo Chagnon of Roanoke is a performing artist and songwriter.
by CNB