Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SUNDAY, August 20, 1995 TAG: 9508210010
SECTION: CURRENT PAGE: NRV2 EDITION: NEW RIVER VALLEY
SOURCE: PATTI GASKINS LOOP
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
When my family drove me to college for the first time, I thought they would never leave. My mother asked me to always remember my most valuable possession. I jokingly responded that must be my gold initial pin! But, since she was referring to my good name, she didn't seem to see the humor in my comment.
When my mother and brother finally pulled away from the James Madison
University parking lot, I confidently started into my dorm via the basement laundry room. Suddenly, the building went completely black. A power failure!
Before my family had left the parking lot, there I was, groping around in a completely strange place with dusty concrete-block walls.
After making my way past the washers and dryers to the stairway, I took
several steps and stumbled. In an attempt to reduce the potential of multiple bruises, I sat down on the steps and waited in the darkness. I ruminated. Maybe college was going to be hard in ways I hadn't even imagined. I already missed my family and they hadn't even made it to the interstate.
All this would seem like a distant memory if I hadn't gone to Hilton Head with my brother's family this summer. His son is entering Clemson University this fall. So much of his story is a parent's dream come true: Following his father's example, he will major in engineering. There was even a small scholarship to help him get started.
Seems hard to fathom that half his lifetime ago, my nephew had just finished third grade, was writing cursive, and beginning to learn the multiplication tables! Now he's a college freshman.
Amid all the expectancy, leaving home still seems easier to joke about than to talk about very seriously. His sister, who will gain ``only child'' status when her brother leaves, suggests that her brother will miss her more than she will miss him. Time will tell.
Parents are left to wonder about the imponderables: Were we too protective? Too permissive? Have the value-laden lessons taken hold? If he doesn't lead, who will he follow? Because these questions take a lifetime to answer, families are left to muse about mundane things: the meal plan, the dorm assignment, the number of early-morning classes.
Although we hold on in the beginning, it is also part of nature's plan to let go. The baby who once tightly grasped the parent's finger lets go when trust develops. The white-knuckled child who rode with training wheels shortly learns to balance and steer boasting to the whole world, ``No Hands!'' The youth who exhaustively asked ``Why?'' questions, registers to take a course in logic. When trust and balance develop, letting go may begin to feel as natural as holding on felt in the beginning.
Humor is a great stress reducer, but alone it's not enough. I also admire my brother for being able to seriously tell his son he is proud of the way he has handled a difficult situation. Some understanding, a little joke, then some reassurance. Come to think of it, isn't that just what I needed when I told my mother about my fall down those stairs at JMU not so many years ago?
Patti Gaskins Loop is a counselor at Eastern Elementary in Giles County and a resident of Blacksburg.
by CNB