Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: TUESDAY, August 22, 1995 TAG: 9508230100
SECTION: WELCOME STUDENTS PAGE: WS-40 EDITION: NEW RIVER VALLEY
SOURCE: ADRIANNE BEE STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
You have entered a hypothetical bar on a Friday night in a college town. And as Obi-Wan Kenobi said to Luke as he approached the cantina in Star Wars: "You will never find a more wretched place of sin and evil."
Anyway, you begin to sense that one of these predators is closing in, approaching quickly.
"Hi, how's it going?" he asks. "You look like you're not having a good time. What's wrong?" You think to yourself that you were having a perfectly good time until your friend pulled you into this place. You, unlike the two girls you spot on the dance floor sporting black spandex mini skirts and breaking a sweat, do not want to be here.
He is smiling and waiting for a response. You quickly notice that he can't quite stand up, he's leaning against the wall for support, and he has a plastic cup full of foamy beer in each hand. As he takes a swig, a small amount of the grog dribbles down his chin.
You look into his blood-shot eyes and think of all the other people you'd rather be talking to right now. Your high school guidance counselor, a telemarketer trying to sell you basement waterproofing, the little girl from "Full House," Ricki Lake ...
"Nothing's wrong," you could say. Or how about: "I really don't want to be here, that's all."
Wrong! These are what we call engaging answers. You are inviting a response which can turn into a conversation. Your best bet is what I call the "go away response." This could be anything from a loud, fierce growl to a "the voices are telling me you're a very bad man and I shouldn't talk to you."
Over the years I have realized that simple, honest, straight forward responses do not always work. The more persistent of these types seem to think that you are merely playing hard to get. You say something like "Go away" and sometimes your cold manner only intrigues them more.
"You've got an attitude, I like that."
There is often no explanation for this cluelessness. Perhaps some guys were raised in remote areas by wild dingoes and only escape occasionally to try to find out what human beings are really like. It's difficult to say
Finding the right place to hang out, a personal niche, is something everybody eventually does. Many people enjoy strangers asking for their numbers and top 40 music. I prefer places where you can be with your friends, sit and talk over a pitcher of beer and avoid people who say things like "Everything on your face is cool ... man, even your eyebrows, they like, melt my soul." I actually heard a guy say that to someone.
Still sometimes even in what seems like a safe haven from pick-up lines...
"Can I buy you a drink?" (I didn't realize that people still said that.)
"No, I don't drink." (There's a beer in my hand.)
"Well, I'll buy you a Coke, then."
"Fine, if you really want to, I'll be over there with the guy I'm dating. He just got out of the asylum and we're celebrating." (I didn't really say this, but wouldn't it have been cool if I did?)
I leave and the guy actually comes up to our table and drops a Coke in front of me. I don't drink it. It could be laced with a foreign substance (I watch "90210," I saw what happened to Brandon).
We get up to leave as the bar is closing and I say," Well, I'm leaving."
"Are you sure that's what you REALLY want to do?" is the Coke Boy's response.
Believe me,leaving is what I REALLY want to do.
I glance back and see the Coke Boy has already got his sights set on another girl. Maybe she'll take him up on the free beverage offer.
by CNB