Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: THURSDAY, August 24, 1995 TAG: 9508260002
SECTION: NEIGHBORS PAGE: S-26 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: STEWART MACINNIS SPECIAL TO THE ROANOKE TIMES
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
To see oursels as ithers see us!
It wad frae monie a blunder free us,
An' foolish notion:
What airs in dress a' gait wad lea'e us,
An' ev'n devotion!
A strange passage to pop into a parent's mind when preparing a child for the first day of kindergarten. The words from Robert Burns' 18th century poem "To a Louse" stayed in the front of my mind as I struggled with the issue at hand.
The issue was literally in my hands: a green and blue backpack emblazoned with a purple dinosaur.
My wife and I were trying to convince Ellen, our 5-year-old daughter, that Barney was not such a hot commodity outside of the preschool set, that maybe we should buy a new backpack.
How could we explain that Barney's legendary stature would not survive the cynicism of first- and second-graders? How could we make her see that carrying a Barney backpack to kindergarten was inviting the cruelty that only children can inflict on other children?
The concern came from a friend who has been through the first day of school several times. Carrying anything to school with Barney on it, we were told, is to court disaster.
"Maybe we could get one with Power Rangers?"
"No."
"How about a Lion King one?"
"No."
"Pocahontas?"
"No."
"How about a plain green one with an L.L. Bean logo?"
"No," she said with a note of finality. After a moment she added, "What part of 'no' don't you understand?"
Well, there it was. A clever little phrase I had used on her once. It was clever - even cute - when she used it on her 2-year-old brother. It wasn't so clever now.
I felt like a peace negotiator in the Balkans. I knew we were up against an immovable object.
This is the kid who braved a rain storm to hug "old one" one last time. "Old one" was a tired stove suffering from intermittent burners. We had just wrestled it out of the house to make way for a gleaming new range.
This is the kid who prays every day at lunch, her preschool teacher says. Her prayer is that we don't sell our house, the house she has known since she was 2 days old. Never mind that it's been on the market for almost a year (and at this point I suspect it will be inherited by my grandchildren one day). It's "my house." She never lets go.
And so it is with the Barney backpack. This, I knew, was going to be one of those lessons she will have to learn the hard way. Maybe it won't happen in kindergarten, but certainly it will before she's through first grade.
And kids can be oh so cruel.
I still remember the stings of not-so-gentle kidding I endured those many years ago. The details are foggy, but the humiliation and sense of betrayal are definitely still in the memory bank.
I suffered it. I survived it. It made me wary in ways, suspicious of the motives of others at times.
But isn't that what it takes to survive in the world? A wariness, a reserve, a holding back from everyone except those closest to you? Keeping your guard up?
The world is peopled by folks out to do you harm. People who want to gain your confidence so they can take advantage of you. Bullies. Hucksters. Criminals. Politicians.
Ellen stared at me defiantly with hazel eyes, saying through them, "You may be my dad, but I'm going to the mat on this one. Because it's right."
Well, I thought, it will happen some time. Some day I won't be there to stop the ridicule. Someday I won't be there to stop the hurt. Someday she will have to learn to pick herself up and carry on.
The blue and green backpack in my hands, I decided, may be an easy first lesson. And, after all, isn't school a place for learning?
Stewart MacInnis, a Roanoke Valley free-lance writer, contributes regularly to Neighbors.
by CNB