Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: WEDNESDAY, August 30, 1995 TAG: 9508300026
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Not me. I'm too witty, urbane, intelligent, literate and sophisticated to get hooked on that stuff.
Listen, I wouldn't know Christopher Darden if I met him down at the recycling bins.
Greta Van Susteren? An obscure tennis player, perhaps?
Marcia Clark? Isn't she on "As the World Turns"?
Johnny Cochran? A reserve bass player with Flitty and the Butterflies. Right?
Lance Ito? I think he's a wide receiver in the Canadian Football League.
Although I don't need O.J., I put public service ahead of pride recently and tried to find some substitutes.
There are several shows that teach you how to repair drywall or to make book shelves. They sometimes feature female workpersons who look very nice in tool belts.
This kind of program offers you something you can use. You're not going to have any use for all you learned about DNA testing during the trial.
I know these people will miss the sidebar conferences, which gave them all these wonderful commercials.
Like the ones in which old, well-preserved men who pay a lot for casual clothes and live in $500,000 homes, tell you how to get term insurance for a dollar a month.
Or the one in which the solemn-looking woman takes a casserole by her friend's house and finds out the husband's funeral expenses had wiped the family out - which doesn't cheer you up a whole lot.
Listen, these commercials are still going to be around, sidebar conference or no sidebar conference.
I also tried soap opera. But I wouldn't recommend it. These shows have strange plots in which people suffer from terminal fungal disorders and things like that.
Recently, continuing my search on your behalf, I tuned in a live meeting of the Roanoke County Board of Supervisors.
You want drama? You should have heard the discussion that raised the searing question of why grass and weeds in the county are not cut as nicely as similar vegetation in Roanoke, Salem and Vinton. There was clearly the feel of conspiracy about the entire affair. Maybe even obstruction of justice.
I can't promise that kind of heart-stopping action every meeting, though.
For example, don't expect F. Lee Bailey to show up some day representing somebody who is sick and tired of his water bill.
There are people out there who will eventually have to face life without the O.J. Simpson trial.
Not me. I'm too witty, urbane, intelligent, literate and sophisticated to get hooked on that stuff.
Listen, I wouldn't know Christopher Darden if I met him down at the recycling bins.
Greta Van Susteren? An obscure tennis player, perhaps?
Marcia Clark? Isn't she on "As the World Turns"?
Johnny Cochran? A reserve bass player with Flitty and the Butterflies. Right?
Lance Ito? I think he's a wide receiver in the Canadian Football League.
Although I don't need O.J., I put public service ahead of pride recently and tried to find some substitutes.
There are several shows that teach you how to repair drywall or to make book shelves. They sometimes feature female workpersons who look very nice in tool belts.
This kind of program offers you something you can use. You're not going to have any use for all you learned about DNA testing during the trial.
I know these people will miss the sidebar conferences, which gave them all these wonderful commercials.
Like the ones in which old, well-preserved men who pay a lot for casual clothes and live in $500,000 homes, tell you how to get term insurance for a dollar a month.
Or the one in which the solemn-looking woman takes a casserole by her friend's house and finds out the husband's funeral expenses had wiped the family out - which doesn't cheer you up a whole lot.
Listen, these commercials are still going to be around, sidebar conference or no sidebar conference.
I also tried soap opera. But I wouldn't recommend it. These shows have strange plots in which people suffer from terminal fungal disorders and things like that.
Recently, continuing my search on your behalf, I tuned in a live meeting of the Roanoke County Board of Supervisors.
You want drama? You should have heard the discussion that raised the searing question of why grass and weeds in the county are not cut as nicely as similar vegetation in Roanoke, Salem and Vinton. There was clearly the feel of conspiracy about the entire affair. Maybe even obstruction of justice.
I can't promise that kind of heart-stopping action every meeting, though.
For example, don't expect F. Lee Bailey to show up some day representing somebody who is sick and tired of his water bill.
by CNB