Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, September 4, 1995                   TAG: 9509060014
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: HOLIDAY 
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

DISNEY COULD DO WONDERS FOR OL' GEORGE

And we have seen how this movie - remind me to tell you sometime why I hate "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" - has increased business in Jamestown - despite the facts that Pocahontas looked like Calamity Jane and Capt. Smith was not a pretty boy, by any means.

Although all history-loving Virginians ought to be appalled by the Disney version of Pocahontas, I'm sure other similar tourist attractions are hoping old Walt's people will do a bit of fantasy on their people.

How about George Washington?

In "George !!!" he appears as an animated version of Richard Gere and his wife Martha closely resembles Geena Davis.

Some time after George cuts down the cherry tree, he and Martha run around colonial Virginia to stylized music and they sing a lot.

Listen, pal. This is made for Disney.

Think how much fun the animators would have with the minuet. Maybe even get the Seven Dwarfs in livery as funny servants who bumble and whistle a lot.

Think of all the adorable, wide-eyed animals you could animate to caper with George and Marsha along the banks of the Potomac.

Pretty soon, you've got the fast-food people giving away George and Martha glasses and tiny adorable, wide-eyed animals.

The kids - who yawn themselves into juvenile seizures when they have to study George in school - want to buzz up to Mount Vernon to see where all those lovely people and animals live.

And they get the shock of their little lives when they find out that George didn't look like Richard Gere and had false teeth - probably made of wood. And that Martha, charitably speaking, was not your average bombshell; that she resembled Queen Victoria in her later years.

And all of the adorable, wide-eyed animals probably have rabies and the dwarfs are nowhere to be seen.

But we all have to know that this is great for Virginia's tourist industry.

Lord knows where the Disney people are going to strike next, although I hope they don't decide to do something on Robert Edward Lee. I don't think I could stand that. Although he really was a good-looking fellow.

I, incidentally, am open to offers of a cartoon that would depict my life. I don't like adorable, wide-eyed animals a lot, but I'm nuts about money.