Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: FRIDAY, September 8, 1995 TAG: 9509080076
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A-9 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BILL TAMMEUS
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
No doubt Jerry Garcia is grateful, though, of course, he's also dead. So it goes.
This new hall of fame is not, as you know, a unique idea for honoring the best in a particular segment of society. In fact, there are halls of fame all over the country, at least two of which I've visited, the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, N.Y., and the Bull Semen Hall of Fame in Plain City, Ohio. (Don't ask. Well, OK, ask. But I'm not talking.)
In fact, there are so many halls of fame honoring so many things that a fellow I know, Paul Dickson, has just teamed up with another guy, Robert Skole, to write ``The Volvo Guide to Halls of Fame,'' hot off the Living Planet Press.
The book lists approximately a hundredyskillion halls of fame in the U.S. and Canada, from the brand new National Football Foundation College Football Hall of Fame in South Bend, Ind., to the International Checkers Hall of Fame in Petal, Miss., where, by the way, admission is free, so don't be a smart aleck and ask whether they take a ``check - ha! ha!''
Oh, and just to be clear about this, the International Checkers Hall of Fame has to do with the game of checkers, not Richard Nixon's dog Checkers, though I suppose Checkers might be eligible for a spot in the Dog Hall of Fame, which is said to be a small part of the Dog Musher's Hall of Fame in Knik, Alaska.
Well, that assumes Checkers was ever a sled dog, to which the Dog Hall of Fame is dedicated. But I doubt it. What sled dog could get by in the cold wearing nothing more than a Republican cloth coat?
Anyway, I'm glad to have a copy of the new guide to halls of fame, but I must say I'm a little disappointed. There seem to be some halls of fame that simply don't exist.
Oh, there's a Softball Hall of Fame in Oklahoma City, but where is the Really Bad Office Softball Team Hall of Fame?|
The very team for which I regularly pitch would be a shoo-in for such an establishment. Why, just recently only eight of our required 10 players showed up for a game, which was played anyway. We lost 47-0, keeping an almost spotless record of defeats in the 1990s.
Similarly, there are several halls of fame devoted to automobiles, primarily honoring racing cars of various stripe. But nowhere can I find a Worst Used Car Hall of Fame.
Again, my own potential entry for this place might not be the most amazing story, but late last year, as I was walking my death-bed 1988 Hyundai to a place that would take it as a charitable donation, I was pretty convinced I had a car to offer such a hall. Except it was making so much engine noise I doubt the hall would have accepted it. Or I might have proposed my former 1958 pickle-green Chevy with no accelerator and no radio, though I did have a harmonica in the visor to play on long trips.
But there is no Worst Used Car Hall of Fame. And no Ugly House Paint Hall of Fame. And no Smelly Gym Shoes Hall of Fame. And no Most Annoying Neighbor Hall of Fame.
Clearly there's work to do before Dickson and Skole can write a sequel.
Bill Tammeus is a columnist for the Kansas City Star.
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