Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: WEDNESDAY, September 13, 1995                   TAG: 9509130005
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

HOW I LONG FOR THE DAYS BEFORE CREDIT CARDS

I don't know where bosses get information like that, but I'm grateful. I think.

I dunno. It seems to me things were better before the credit card.

This is based partially on the damage I did with plastic last month. I'm not one to put my personal finances in the newspaper, but you could have bought a fairly good used car for that kind of money in 1958.

My son was born in September of 1958. The hospital charged just a little bit more.

I must also tell you that when I think about credit cards, I see Martha Stewart paving her swimming pool with credit cards other than the one she is pushing in the commercial. You get it. Martha is so damned clever with her hands.

I'll go on record right now as saying that here is one American citizen who doesn't think Martha Stewart is just as cute and fresh as she can be and who wishes she would just shut up.

She reminds me of a geometry teacher I once had.

Sorry to have wandered off there. It may be a side effect from this nose spray that keeps me alive. I'll say right here that I never paid for nose spray with a credit card.

Credit cards do have their place. I throw mine down with authority - like showing the last card in a royal straight flush. I think a lot of people watch to see if you slam your card down or limply slide it over the counter.

My card is useful when I find the Jeep has chewed up its front tires right down to the fabric.

But I remember a time - this was before two tires cost $194 - when you could say: "Gee, Joe. I don't have it on me right now. Can I take care of you pay day?"

And Joe would say sure, and a lasting, trusting relationship would develop - as long as you took care of Joe on pay day.

It's true you couldn't order britches from L.L. Bean or Land's End and pay for them over the phone. But I could live without that.

And it seems to me that britches lasted longer then and fit better and you put them on your tab at the clothing store where everybody knew your size and they gave you a new tie when you bought a $79 suit with no sales tax.

Martha probably was in the first grade then. Probably making milk money by giving seminars at recess on how to pack a tasty, nutritious lunch box.