Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: THURSDAY, September 14, 1995                   TAG: 9509140023
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO  
SOURCE: BETH MACY
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

THEY TELL ME WE'RE TUNING IN TO MIDDLE AGE

Gary Wright's ``Dreamweaver'' is the classic eighth-grade skating song. It's the song you pair-dance to a few years after mastering the ``Hokey-Pokey,'' a few months before you're too cool to hang out at the rink anymore.

The Eagles' ``The Long Run'' is driving-around-the-country- side-at-night music, possibly with your car lights out, possibly doing other things that a role model such as myself [insert wild laughter] should not discuss in a family newspaper.

Elton John's ``Daniel'' is one of those songs you copy down all the words to in your sixth-grade handwriting - and then sing in your bedroom at night, quietly so no one can hear you.

And Queen's ``Another One Bites the Dust'' is classic senior-year marching band, waiting for half-time in the end zone. Stacy Pullins is trying to play the bass line of the nonsanctioned tune quietly on his tuba - virtually an impossibility - and the band director, hearing it, goes ballistic.

This is the soundtrack of my coming of age. Those of us who ride the baby-boomer coattail use these songs to measure our past:

Journey's ``Who's Crying Now?'' is Mike Dixon make-out music.

``FM'' by Steely Dan is sneaking off on Mike Reeves' motorcycle when Mom wasn't looking.

Anything depressing by Pink Floyd is when Dave dumped Tonya, and she refused to listen to anything else.

And now, these songs are oldies?

That's what radio station WPVR (94.9 FM) is calling them. In their new switch from ``easy listening'' to ``All Rock & Roll Oldies,'' they've sent the premature gray-hairs among us diving into the cesspool of cholesterol counts and varicose veins.

And here we were - not even an itch in our daddies' pants pockets when The Beatles went on the Ed Sullivan show.

Should we be worrying about mid-life crises already? Should our softball-skinned knees turn for comfort to orthopedic socks?

And how do you know if you're an officially sanctioned oldie? To help aid perception (not digestion), here's a test I've developed with help from a few other 30-somethings. Put an X by the items that apply to you.

oYou pay a lot of attention to the sounds your car makes.

oYou spend more time at Lowe's than you do at The Iroquois.

oThe waitresses at The Roanoker know you by name.

oYou know what the weather's supposed to be like tomorrow.

oAnd you really do believe Robin Reed is the sexiest man in Roanoke.

oYou wake up at exactly 6:32 every morning, even on weekends.

oYou think The Counting Crows are a local bird-watching society.

oAn evening at TJ Maxx is a really big night out.

oFollowed by dinner at the Kay-Dub (K & W Cafeteria).

oYou look all over for your Ray Bans - and they're on top of your head.

oYour doctor tells you, for the first time: ``Well, now that you're getting older...''

oYou think today's music is either a) too loud, or b.) a buncha mumbling.

oCountry & western music no longer gets on your nerves.

oYou bought your first personal calculator for $90.

oYou remember who sang ``Afternoon Delight.''

oYou get mad at people for driving too fast instead of too slow.

oYou worry more about your roof than your clothes.

If you marked more than five of these traits, consider yourself WPVR's new demographic target.

And, as my grandma used to say, get your bottom-dollar rockin' to the oldies.

Beth Macy's column runs on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She can be reached at 981-3435.