Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, September 25, 1995 TAG: 9509250077
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A-7 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: MONTY S. LEITCH
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
``Incredible as it may seem,'' editor Robert Byrne writes in his introduction to Josepha Heifetz Byrne's collection, ``every entry in this book, even the most ludicrous, has been accepted as a formal or legitimate English word by at least one major dictionary.''
He continues, ``The dignity that goes with endorsement by lexicographers of trusted sobriety, however, was not enough for inclusion here. ... The words had to strike the author as unusual, obscure, difficult, unfamiliar, amusing, or preposterous. Thus Mrs. Byrne has created a new kind of dictionary: one based entirely on her own tastes.''
I like the idea of creating a dictionary based entirely on my own tastes. Mine would not include the word ``facilitator.'' (Neither does Mrs. Byrne's.)
Mine might, however, include Jeff Foxworthy's clever recognition: ``juwanto.'' As in, ``Let's us go on down to the 7-Eleven and get us a Coca-Cola, why don't we. Juwanto?''
Mrs. Byrne spent 10 years compiling her collection, ``working alone and without government support (or even comprehension) ... '' No one asked her to do this, writes Mr. Byrne. ``In fact, I asked her not to do it.''
And one can understand why. Imagine living, day in, day out, for 10 long years, with someone who spends every spare moment combing ``specialized dictionaries and unabridged works too bulky for browsing,'' who delights in exhuming ``words from the boneyards of the obsolete and the nearly forgotten ... ''
Imagine sitting down to dinner across from someone who proudly exclaims, ``Gardyloo!''
``And what is that one, dear?''
``A warning cry made before ejecting slops from the windows of old Edinburgh.''
``How very interesting. Pass the potatoes, please.''
This is not to say that there aren't some very useful words in Mrs. Byrne's collection. ``Kakistocracy,'' for instance. That means "government by the worst citizens.'' In these days of extremes, of literalist nincompoopery, of mean-spiritedness, stinginess and fear; in short, in these days of a Republican majority in Congress, I'm confident I'll find ample opportunity for using the word ``kakistocracy.''
Also, ``funkify - to retreat fearfully.'' As in, ``Thousands of formerly sane citizens, cowed by the radical religious right, have funkified from their responsibilities at the polls.''
Also, ``orotund - pertaining to a pompous speaking style.'' As in, ``Likely, Newt Gingrich would not receive so much attention were he not so orotund. For, were he not so orotund, some might actually comprehend what it is that he says.''
Also, ``deperition - destructive process.'' As in, ``Do you not find the machinations of O.J. Simpson's attorneys a terrible deperition of our courts?''
Ah, but I find I quaddle (or grumble), as I am stomachous (angry) today. But it's not just Newt Gingrich, et al., who've raised my ire. It's not just that obscenity called ``The O.J. Simpson Trial,'' or the mean-spiritedness that spouts not only from the mouths of everyone in our kakistocracy, but from practically everyone I know.
No, it's worse than all that put together.
It's this: I just heard that, in commercial cultivation, potatoes absorb more pesticides than any other vegetable grown.
Is nothing sacred? Nothing at all?
Monty S. Leitch is a Roanoke Times columnist.
by CNB