
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: TUESDAY, September 26, 1995                   TAG: 9509260021
SECTION: EDITORIAL                    PAGE: A-5   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: RONALD D. LANKFORD JR.
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

WHAT YOU SEE...

SURVEY FOR political image revitalization (conducted by Cheez Whiz Image Consultants):

Many people would be surprised by the number of letters we receive from politicians; letters begging, pleading, and even offering cash rewards for one thing: "Improve Our Image."

One writer confessed: "I was just trying to cut the budget and the next thing I knew I was being accused of stealing lunches from poor children."

The left, the right, executive, congressional and judicial branches - they all write us. The following survey will help us at Cheez Whiz Image Consultants to form a new seminar designed to eliminate political image problems. Try to answer every question and forget about tradition. Remember, this is the '90s, and change is what it's all about!

Many people feel that the traditional party symbols are no longer effective at projecting a positive party image. After all, an elephant is slow and cumbersome (unless in a stampede) and an ass is an ass. Choose one of the following to replace the traditional symbol.

1. Democrat (Donkey)

A) Misty of Chincoteague

B) The Mercury Cougar

C) Darter snail

D) Charlie Brown

2. Republican (Elephant)

A) The buffalo

B) The Schlitz bull

C) Snoopy

D) Timmy and Lassie

3. United We Stand (Perot)

A) Longhorn steer

B) Mr. Goodwrench

C) Fully dressed turkey

D) Mickey Mouse

A common complaint of the electorate is that our politicians are plastic, overly formal. They wear suits and talk very seriously. When they try to hang loose by going for a sweaty jog in a tank top, the results are not pretty. Choose one of the following sports that would best humanize the following politicians' images.

4. Bill Clinton

A) High diving

B) Bowling

C) Bumper pool

D) Bungee-jumping

5. Bob Dole

A) Skeet shooting

B) Badminton

C) Polo

D) Fox Hunting

6. Newt Gingrich

A) Mountain climbing

B) Shot putting

C) Roller derby

D) Mud wrestling

PACs are here to stay, and unless they, too, reinvent their images, who will want to hang out with them? Donating time and money to organizations that disagree with your positions can be an effective tool in disarming your critics. Choose one of the following charities that would best improve the images of the following PACs.

7. NRA (National Rifle Association)

A) Salvation Army

B) Habitat For Humanity

C) Audubon Society

D) PTA

8. NOW (National Organization for Women)

A) Daughters of the Confederacy

B) Ronald Reagan Presidential Library

C) Boy Scouts of America

D) NRA

9. ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union)

A) American Legion

B) Mothers Against Drunk Driving

C) Klan Watch

D) Christian Coalition

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this survey. Remember, it isn't important what people see, it's what they think they see. Image is everything! With our help, politicians will soon be on the road to respect and admiration. And once they are on that road, they'll never look back!

Ronald D. Lankford Jr. is a bank courier in Christiansburg.

by CNB