Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, October 16, 1995 TAG: 9510160011
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
I was simply waiting from everybody else to say what they wanted to, being the selfless person I am: humble, just plain nice and dedicated to the American way.
The television people and editorial writers haven't left me much. I understand, for example, that the guy who paints the lane lines on the freeway turned out to be a pretty good interview. Said he remembered the white Bronco well.
After hours of sober thought, I know one thing: You gotta have a lawyer in California.
If the Joads in "The Grapes of Wrath" had come to California today, they'd have spent a whole lot of time picking oranges or vegetables or beans to pay their lawyer.
At one time or another everybody in Los Angeles had a lawyer. Lawyers had lawyers. Television people had lawyers. Cops had lawyers. I expect the judge had a lawyer. Perfectly innocent people probably panicked and went out and hired a lawyer.
I expect that if you went to a cocktail party and said you didn't have a lawyer, the hostess would have ignored you the rest of the night.
The trial also reminded me of Zorro - who was a force for justice in Mexico before the Mexican government pulled a fast one and gave us California.
Some smart lawyer hired by the oppressive government would have convinced a jury that Zorro, far from being a hero, was a dirty evidence-stacker who went around ruining perfectly nice walls and people's shirts. You remember. He used to cut Z's on walls and shirtfronts with his sword.
And Zorro would have appeared on an early version of a talk show and denied having used his sword in the past 10 years except in defense of Right and Human Dignity.
And somebody would have come up with a tape on which Zorro said he had just ruined this creep's new shirt and that he really hated guys who wore those funny shirts.
You have any idea that Ward Bond would lead a wagon train to California today? If I had to go west, I'd sign on for Seattle.
This entire disaster might have been right for HBO, which ran that wild show of Madonna's without blinking an eye.
I hear some of you saying that bringing Madonna in here is far-fetched.
Think about it. The torpedo bra was first used in California when Jane Russell was a slip of a girl.
by CNB