Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: THURSDAY, November 2, 1995 TAG: 9511020026
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A-13 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: CAROLE JORDAN
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Equal job opportunities are important. How about sensitive love-making? One's own credit cards? A spiral staircase through the glass ceiling at the corporation? A frostfree refrigerator? A man who can and will dance? Respect? Pantyhose that lasts for years? Affordable day-care, cheerful delivery of cheap fat-free meals at the end of a long day, male secretaries, female obstetricians, the soap-opera version of "The Celestine Prophecy" ... who knows what else?
This fanciful list is a small sample of what women might wish for in another, less complicated reality. In our reality, in this crowded but often bleak world, wishes are fantasies. The real question is what do we want, as in desperately need? Here are some modest suggestions, based on recent events and ongoing reality that every woman will recognize.
We want to know that we will not be betrayed by love. Opening our hearts to intimacy will not lead as often to violence and even death as it does to the life of hopeful connection we want.
We want the bearing of a child to be a joyous welcome experience, much desired by both partners.
We want to assume that our children will be safe with the people who claim to love and care for them.
We want our daughters to have the same chances for all things in life as do our sons.
We want no horror-show surprises, no waking up each morning trapped by the one we used to love into "sharing" a life of control games and power trips, where the loser dies.
We want to be believed if we say, "He's going to kill me."
We want the laws to apply equally to all human needs: ours and our childrens' as well as those of the white male majority of lawmakers.
We want our skin color, our sexual orientation, our ancestry and our medical history not to count at all in the effecting of the laws.
We want blind justice, in other words.
We want enough to eat, safety in our sleep, the right to protect ourselves in perilous situations.
We want to own our bodies, move around in them like the free creatures we were born to be, decorate them as we wish, give them as a precious gift to one chosen for love.
We want to be taken seriously and listened to with fully engaged attention.
We want real words in conversation. We want our concerns addressed in terms other than "inappropriate, frivolous, irrelevant, politically incorrect, trendy, hopping on the bandwagon, hyper, intense, hostile, feminist fanatic, bubblehead." The list goes on into patronization infinity.
We want to eliminate the following phrases from our own conversations: If a man tried the same thing, he'd get away with it. What if men had to give birth? Men are just like children. I guess she deserved to get killed. I don't need a raise because I love my work so much. I'll make the coffee (or answer the phone, close the door or take notes) for the meeting since I'm the only woman here.
We want it to be wrong if we don't get the same money for the same job, wrong for anyone to escape the consequences for misdeeds, wrong if women get killed by men who "can't live without them", wrong for a skirt to identify one as the notetaker or coffeemaker, insignificance in a power suit.
We want to accept men as our fellow human beings instead of our enemies.
We want to accept other women as our fellow human beings instead of our competition.
We want someone else to stand up for us besides us. Like our fellow human beings, men, for example.
We want the people who do wrong to be judged, not excused on the grounds that she asked for it or wore that short skirt or used to be his girlfriend.
We want those who molest our children and kill our sisters in the name of love to be unequivocally and harshly punished. We are tired of excuses that protect the wrong person. We are tired of the late-night contemplation of bloody revenge. The next morning we must get up, go to work as always because we are lucky to have a job at all, eat whatever is dished onto our plates, with sugar on it, and say thank you very much.
Carole Jordan of Roanoke is a member of the advisory committee of the Women's Resource Center, a Total Action Against Poverty (TAP) agency.
by CNB