
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: WEDNESDAY, November 15, 1995                   TAG: 9511150018
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

ANOTHER FIT OF HYSTERIA OVER BARBIE

Now that the election is over, it's time for public-spirited persons to forget mere politics and talk about certain excesses that continue to appear in the marketing of the Barbie doll and other products associated with this skinny creature.

Forget about wondering whether Virginia Democrats have whiny throats and consider what has now become of Ken, Barbie's long-suffering doormat.

My extensive research has turned up an $11.97 version of Ken that comes with its own shaving utensils, which may seem all right at first.

But, mothers of America, the idea is that very young girls - that is to say 3 years old - are supposed to use the kit to shave Ken.

In the first place everybody knows Ken has been on skid row for years and doesn't care about shaving. This guy needs both arms for drinking.

He's been that way ever since Barbie dumped him and got a medical degree, which raised malpractice insurance premiums dramatically.

You may recall Barbie running in the fast lane with a prominent orthopedist who owned a splashy sports car.

This is sick stuff. But Barbie and her crowd always had the taste of the hunchback of Notre Dame. For example, Barbie's still tooling around in that pink Corvette.

Modern doll science has made it possible for Ken to have a beard that shaves off with a foam-tipped razor. And it grows back at room temperature, which is enough to make you very ill.

I believe most parents will agree with me that this represents raging sexism, not to mention male dominance, and is also a bit kinky, if you ask me. Ladies. You ever shave your husband? I hope not.

I'll tell you what: A bearded creep wearing denim shorts and a funny-looking pullover and smelling like a Jack Daniels' warehouse would never have been shaved by a 3-year-old daughter of mine.

We simply can't leave this latest horror show without mentioning a $49.97 version of Barbie as Dorothy from ``The Wizard of Oz." Yep. Ruby slippers and Toto included.

Makes you kind of wish Dorothy would click the slippers together and send them both to, say, the fifth moon of Jupiter.

The Tin Man, the Lion and Scarecrow are missing. I think Barbie a.k.a. Dorothy rolled them while they were asleep in that field of poppies and they were busted for vagrancy by those flying monkeys.

They wouldn't be the first ones Barbie has taken down the yellow brick road.

by CNB