ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1995, Roanoke Times
DATE: Friday, December 8, 1995 TAG: 9512080044
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: Friday Something
SOURCE: NANCY GLEINER
In a totally unscientific survey (I overheard a bunch of women complaining), the overwhelming majority of holiday shoppers (bunches of frowning women) agreed that men are runaway winners in the stump-the-shoppers game.
Fret no more. The Old Farmer's 1996 Almanac has some inventions that might help you cross them off your list.
For the single man who avoids doing laundry unless he has a date or a job interview, or the husband whose wife is away: a plastic disk. Hang a pair of wet pants from a hanger, insert disk in the waist, close off the legs (of the pants, silly) with clamps and place a hair dryer in a hole in the disk. Twenty minutes later, dry, wrinkle-free pants.
For the men who believe cars deserve their own ``personal space'' and who dislike those monotonous wails that disrupt the serenity of mall parking lots: a talking car alarm which shouts, ``YOU ARE TOO CLOSE TO THE VEHICLE; PLEASE MOVE AWAY!'' at 127 decibels (a bit above the level of a jet plane takeoff).
For those with two left feet and a hankering for country dancing: an invention that tells you whether your spins and pivots are vertical or ``whether you done blew it'' (inventor Les Burns) by emitting a beep when you're leaning to one side or the other. Might also come in handy if you're not dancing but having trouble staying upright during holiday festivities.
For those Folger's-type mornings: Breakfast Express is an appliance with a timer that brews coffee, makes toast and cooks two eggs sunny-side up.
With that and your wrinkle-free trousers at the ready, you'll never have to worry about starting the day in a Dagwood way.
LENGTH: Short : 38 linesby CNB