ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1995, Roanoke Times
DATE: Sunday, December 24, 1995 TAG: 9512270063
SECTION: SPORTS PAGE: D-1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: Jack Bogaczyk
SOURCE: JACK BOGACZYK
Really now, have you ever roasted chestnuts on an open fire? Have you ever seen folks dressed up like eskimos, unless they were at the Stagg Bowl at Salem Stadium?
Didn't you think, like I did, that ``trimming the tree'' was what you did to the bottom of it so it would fit into the stand? After a few games of Dick Vitale, have you found your family wishing for a silent night?
When was the last time sugarplums danced in Frank Beamer's head? Sugar Bowls, maybe. And Prancer and Vixen? Aren't they dancers in one of those Bourbon Street establishments the Hokies will be frequenting this week?
There's no place like home for the holidays? When the Aloha Bowl is played in Hawaii?
When George Welsh gets worked up on the Virginia sideline, talking to no one in general and throwing his cap ... Do you think he ever says, ``Bah, humbug?''
The ``down of a thistle?'' Is that like third-and-long?
If Page Moir put a turkey and some mistletoe on the Roanoke College bench, would that help to make the season bright?
I called the North Pole - it had an area code that ended in a zero, too - to see what lists Santa was checking twice before steering Rudolph in our direction. And as he sprang to his sleigh and drove out of sight, he hollered, ``Can you tell me how to get to the Smart Road?''
Listen, Ebenezer, our sources are everywhere. So, in the holiday spirit, here's what some of those anonymous elves say folks want for Christmas:
Roanoke Express coach Frank Anzalone - A practice rink, and soon.
Ferrum College - An invitation to join the Old Dominion Athletic Conference.
Salem sports pooh-bah Carey Harveycutter - Rights to the NCAA women's crew championship.
Victory Stadium - A shelling from the National Guard Armory.
The Salem Avalanche - A pennant. OK, let's not be greedy. A winning half-season.
Virginia athletic director Terry Holland - More bowl-ticket sales like the peachy one of 1995.
Virginia Tech AD Dave Braine - Terry Holland's salary.
Roanoke College - Two new programs: softball and baseball.
VMI football - A state-based conference affiliation that makes sense.
Radford University basketball coach Ron Bradley - A step up the ladder for a doctor of diagrams.
Cave Spring High School - A new school, with $3.6 million for classrooms and offices and $30 million for athletic facilities.
Tech football coach Frank Beamer - An autographed photo of Lee Corso, and a bit part in the remake of the hit series, ``Miami Vice.''
UVa football coach George Welsh - An autographed photo of Jim Copeland, in his SMU office.
The Commonwealth Games - More spectators, less ballroom dancing.
Roanoke, city and county - A Salem sports attitude.
The Stagg Bowl - A day where the big numbers are on the thermometer, not the scoreboard.
Rick Mast - A Winston Cup victory, and soon.
Martinsville Speedway - 80,000 seats, filled.
Salem-Roanoke Baseball Hall of Fame - A building to house a real Hall.
Roanoke Valley sports fans - A local radio call-in show.
ODAC basketball - More respect and spectators in your 20th anniversary season.
Tech basketball coach Bill Foster - An NCAA Tournament bid.
UVa basketball coach Jeff Jones - A new arena.
Girls' basketball - More competition like that in the Blue Ridge District.
The Roanoke Valley - A spot on the Senior PGA Tour schedule.
The Express - An affiliation that actually provides real, live players.
The Roanoke RiverDawgs - A promotional plan with new kick.
The Salem Avalanche staff - A new office at the new ballpark.
The Roanoke Rush - Real paychecks for the players.
Elliston - A 25,000-seat arena.
Northside High School - A gym that will seat more than a Dodge Caravan.
And here's a helpful holiday hint: If your stockings are hung by the chimney with care, just make sure to take them down before you start roasting your chestnuts.
LENGTH: Medium: 81 linesby CNB