ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Thursday, January 11, 1996 TAG: 9601120001
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 3 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: Why Things Are
SOURCE: JOEL ACHENBACH
We try to avoid being overly simplistic in our answers. Indeed, we try to have a couple of paragraphs that are, quite frankly, incomprehensible. This is so that we will sound intellectual. A strict rule among intellectuals is: If you can understand what you're reading, it's probably not worth knowing.
Unfortunately there is a nice, easily grasped, possibly even true answer to this question from John I., of Washington, D.C.: ``Why do men and women button shirts from opposite sides?''
DEAR JOHN: We always assumed that this was a favor to men, so that when they were in a clothing store and started to try on a really ``snazzy'' flowered shirt they would quickly realize it was not intended for the Y-chromosome crowd. But we called Christopher Kim, a custom tailor in Washington, who explained that it dates back a couple of centuries to the time when rich women were dressed by their servants.
The problem was, elegant ladies had bazillions of buttons on their elaborate dresses. It is much easier for a right-handed person to grasp the button with the fingers of the right hand to get the button through the little hole. If rich women dressed themselves, they'd certainly want buttons on the right side. But they had so many buttons, and were so rich and ridiculous, that they had servants dress them, and so women's clothing got switched around to make the buttoning easier for the helpers.
Of course, modern women who do their own buttoning have to grasp the buttons with their left hand. It's a nightmare. That and childbirth.
Bruce B. of Alexandria, Va., asks, ``Why is Libyan strongman Col. Moammar Gadhafi still a colonel after all these years? Was he passed over? And who had the assignment to tell him that he just didn't have what it takes to be a general?''
DEAR BRUCE: Gadhafi was a mere second lieutenant when he helped overthrow the king of Libya in 1969, explains Omar Turbi, executive director of the Libyan Human Rights Commission. The Revolutionary Council, of which he was a member, promoted Gadhafi to be commander in chief, but felt it wouldn't wash with the public to allow him to leap several ranks to become a general. So he became a colonel.
The existing generals were demoted. Gradually Gadhafi consolidated his power as a dictator, and hasn't needed to give himself any higher rank or even an official position.
``He will tell you he doesn't have any title. He will tell you that he is just the person who inspires the masses,'' says Turbi.
This translates, in English, to the title ``Libyan strongman.''
Karen K. of Miami Beach, Fla., asks, ``Under what conditions would I use the word archaeology and under what conditions would I use the word paleontology?''
DEAR KAREN: If you really want to impress people, always use fancier variations of these words, like archaeobiology, or paleogastroenterology. (Another rule of the intelligentsia is: You can never have too many prefixes.)
``Archaeology'' is, generally, the study of the remains of human prehistory. ``Paleontology'' looks further back in geological time, and more broadly, to study all extinct living things. Our impression, from a distance, is that paleontology is now the sexier field, Indiana Jones notwithstanding.
Stephen S. of Washington asks, ``Why is there no live TV on airplanes, since they're way up there close to the signals?''
DEAR STEVE: Maybe they don't want passengers fighting over who gets to handle the remote control.
Actually, there's no technological reason why a plane can't have live TV. The plane merely needs the right kind of antenna on its exterior (the metal shell keeps broadcast signals from penetrating the interior). Air Force One, for example, can pick up live TV.
There's one practical problem with airborne TV: In about 10 minutes or so, the jet will fly out of range of any local TV station's signal. To get continuous reception, the jet would have to pick up a signal from a satellite. ``The technology is moving real fast now. There's no reason why they can't'' do it, says Sam Fishbein, chairman of the Aerospace Technology Committee of the National Air and Space Museum.
But of course, airlines are cutting back on frills. You're lucky to get a bag of peanuts now. You expect 500 channels?
And finally, we have an update on why, in old movies, someone always boils water and grabs some sheets when a woman goes into labor in a cabin on the prairie. A couple of readers (including Gay Courter, of Crystal River, Fla., author of the book ``The Midwife'') have pointed out another use for the hot water: The warm, wet sheets are applied to the mother to relax and soften the perineum and make the birth easier.
We don't really need to get more specific, probably. (Male readers are thinking: The perineum? Isn't that a type of flower?)
- Washington Post Writers Group
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