ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Sunday, February 18, 1996 TAG: 9602200102
SECTION: HOMES PAGE: D1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: JOHN GRIESSMAYER STAFF WRITER
The creators of the hit television series "Friends" should have done more research before giving us those squeaky clean, ultra-hip apartments where America's favorite roommates spend their time.
For starters, they should have taken a look at the bathroom in my apartment.
Or maybe the bottom shelf of our refrigerator, which contains several former food products that now look more like "Star Trek" villains.
At the very least, they should have included a couch like the one my roommate, Mark, and I stole from a dumpster behind the mall. It smells like beef soup.
My point is, "Friends" doesn't accurately depict what living with roommates is really like. I'm a big fan of the show, but I must have missed the episode where Monica and Rachel get into a violent argument over whose turn it is to pay the phone bill and end up hurling frozen bagels at each other until one of them gets a black eye.
And I never saw the one where Chandler accuses Joey of drinking his personal Kool-Aid, and they refuse to speak to each other for five weeks.
In other words, there are quite a few differences between life on "Friends" and roommate reality:
ON "FRIENDS" ...
Roommates dress in the latest styles.
The apartment is well-decorated.
The characters are always well-fed.
Everyone looks like a model.
Roommates tell each other their problems.
Everyone is eloquent and witty.
The characters always pay the rent on time.
Their hairstyles are the envy of young people everywhere.
Roommates share everything.
Everybody hangs out in a fashionable coffee shop.
The apartment's walls are decorated with trendy artwork.
The apartment's decorations achieve the perfect balance of classy antiques and cool knick-knacks.
The roommates have long, intimate discussions about their relationships.
IN REALITY...
Your roommate wears the same socks between Christmas and Labor Day.
Your furniture consists of a futon, a lawnchair and four broken cinderblocks.
You routinely go three weeks eating nothing but Cheetos.
Your roommate looks like 300 pounds of banana pudding crammed into an old sweatsuit.
You wouldn't speak to your roommate if his toupee caught fire.
Your roommate calls everybody "dude."
You once tried to pay the landlord with 50 Capn' Crunch proofs-of-purchase.
You've had the same haircut since the Carter administration.
Your roommates have labeled everything - including individual slices of cheese - with their initials.
Your friends hang out in a Winn Dixie parking lot.
Your walls are covered with 400 Ziggy comic strips and one glow-in-the-dark Metallica poster.
Your apartment looks like a hobo yard sale.
Your roommates have long, intimate discussions about "Friends."
John Griessmayer is a staff writer for the Roanoke Times. He has lived with roommates for five years and hasn't cleaned his bathtub since May 1992.
LENGTH: Medium: 71 linesby CNB