ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, February 19, 1996 TAG: 9602190100
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A-7 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: Monty S. Leitch
SOURCE: MONTY S. LEITCH
A LONG time ago, following some minor surgery, I awoke from my anesthesia to a conversation between nurses regarding their daughters' prom dresses.
Neither mother was particularly pleased with the choice her daughter had made.
However, glad to be back in a sensible discussion, I joined right in, quoting, as I remember it, Mark Twain.
Now, what Mark Twain might ever have had to say on the subject of prom dresses I can't recall, or even imagine. Perhaps this conversation never took place. Perhaps it's all just another part of my anesthesia dreams. Or perhaps I said something quite different (and much less comprehensible) from what I remember.
But the incident came to mind again the other day while I was walking through the mall and discovered that the ``fancy party dresses'' are now on display in your better stores.
These, I take it, are what the ``happening girls'' buy in the '90s to wear to their high school proms.
They are not as I remember them.
I wandered for a few moments among the racks, checking sizes, checking prices; and there I spotted not a single pastel, not an inch of lace, not a hint of frothy ruffle. And nothing under a hundred and fifty smackers.
These dresses are, instead, slinky. Sequined. Cut on the bias. Strapless. Furthermore, each is designed to set the heart a-beating in ways no mother could love.
They are spectacular.
I wanted one.
I wanted 10!
A couple of weeks ago, I went shopping with four of my ``girlfriends.''
In truth, we are none of us ``girls'' anymore, and haven't been for, lo, these 30 years. But we giggled a lot, and we bought shoes. Shoes and shoes and shoes. They were on sale, so we bought the kind of shoes none of us wears these days unless she knows she's mostly going to be sitting down.
``Now, you can't wear those heels with your granny skirts, you know,'' the saleswoman told us. ``Your basic little black dress. That's what they'll be perfect with.''
Three among the five of us can still wear a little black dress. We other two might wear black, but it'll take more'n a little.
Nevertheless, we all have the perfect shoes. And so, as I looked through those fancy party dresses, I thought about which I might buy to match my fine new shoes. I looked and looked.
But clearly these dresses are meant for girls. Not a single one among 'em had room enough to put a whole woman in.
Here's one thing Mark Twain did say: ``Adam was but human - this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden.''
I have no fancy parties to attend. And, goodness knows, I'll never dance at another prom.
But - oh, those dresses! Those beautiful, beautiful dresses.
Monty S. Leitch is a Roanoke Times columnist.
LENGTH: Medium: 64 linesby CNB