ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, March 4, 1996 TAG: 9603050007
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: Ben Beagle
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
Here is the semi-retired, semi-hysterical reporter looking deep within himself during a recent thaw and seeing that the rest of this year ain't going to be a bed of roses.
The wind is the kind you want to call a "zephyr" but a lot of people think that is a sissy word so I just call it a "nice breeze."
Things are popping through the ground and I can hardly wait to hear the wholesome and truthful wail of a chain saw being used in the annual exercise called "cleaning up the yard."
This saw has been recently renovated and I step into the woods where a locust limb has fallen to the ground. I triumphantly pull the starter rope.
The rope comes off in my hand and I go inside to mope - never mind your "zephyrs" and/or breezes - and I watch Jennifer Jones in "Love Letters" on the American Movie Channel.
That's one thing about being dutiless and watching Jennifer when it's like spring outside: You can't break anything doing that. Except maybe the new overstuffed chair.
I know that I don't want to take the chain saw apart to rewind the starter rope. When I do things like that, little springs nobody ever heard off fly into the air and are never seen again.
I think there is an evil, unseen presence in most of our basements that eats these springs in mid-air.
You watch. One of these days scientists will announce they have discovered this invisible organism that lives on springs.
I think American industry puts too may springs in its products, but nobody ever pays any attention to me.
Anyway, the breeze is still there the next day and I am replacing the broken bricks in the patio at the side of the house. I also plan to trundle away this pile of new bricks that has been stacked on the driveway since 1994 and to take the broken bricks to the back garden.
I'm singing "Stout-Hearted Men" as I'm doing this.
I'm hiding the good bricks under the deck and scattering the old ones along the edge of the garden and I know the joy of simple labor.
I've forgotten the chain saw in the basement - the starter rope spilling obscenely from its side.
Then I learn that a wheelbarrow can have a flat tire. Nobody ever told me that. I also find that wheelbarrows with flat tires aren't good for much.
From what I've seen so far, I doubt that Jennifer Jones made enough movies to get me through this spring and summer.
LENGTH: Medium: 57 linesby CNB