ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Friday, March 8, 1996 TAG: 9603080045
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: fridaysomething
SOURCE: NANCY GLEINER
Maybe it's not such a good idea to declare English the official language of Virginia, as proposed in the General Assembly. Some college and high-school students here don't seem to have the hang of it yet.
In answer to a test question about transubstantiation and the Mass, one student referred to the Holy Eucharist as ``Holy Uterus.''
Another student began a paper on Red China by writing, ``The great red testicles of Communist China are spreading across the Orient.''
Some teachers might have given A's just for hilarity in these quotes from students:
``My friend was valid victorian.''
``The couple took the vowels of marriage.''
``Thou shalt not cubit thy neighbor's wife.''
``Monogamy: a wood ancient Egyptians made beautiful furniture from.''
``A metaphor is a thing you shout through at football games.''
``Gravity was invented by Sir Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.''
``...Columbus discovered America by cursing around on his ships the Pinta, Nina and Santa Fe.''
Share your favorite writing goofs. Send them to me at the features department, P.O. Box 2491, Roanoke, Va. 24010-2491. We'll print them in an upcoming column.
LENGTH: Short : 35 linesby CNB