ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Saturday, March 9, 1996 TAG: 9603120014
SECTION: RELIGION PAGE: B-9 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: CLARK MORPHEW KNIGHT-RIDDER/TRIBUNE
I am resting easily now because I believe I have just heard the ultimate in kooky news.
I am talking about an article in the Daytona Beach News and Journal that reports on a conference of Christian nudists who got together recently in Longwood, N.C., for some basic worship in the buff.
This is a conference, not a convention. The difference is that conventions just pass resolutions. A conference probably has some seminars. I hesitate to imagine what some of the seminars might be titled. You may muse about that if you like.
These folks believe that since God did not create them with clothes on, it stands to reason that they should not wear clothes now.
Most of these people are over 40, and we can imagine the sag they feel in their hearts as they contemplate returning to the clothed world. One of the nudists who was out walking his pet pig said he would sooner trust a nudist with his pig than a ``guy in a $400 suit.'' My guess is, a guy in a $400 suit wouldn't want to get close to a pig.
Some of these good people are ministers. And when it comes time to serve Holy Communion, at least one minister, according to the story, distributes the holy elements with nary a stitch upon his back or front.
I can remember when Christians came to church on Easter Sunday dressed in brand new clothes and big fancy hats. If someone had come in shorts and a T-shirt, not to mention nude, the ushers would have thrown the bum out.
Now people come to church dressed in jeans with holes in them. Say, I wonder if nudists wear hats to church on Easter, and nothing else.
It was the Christian world that came up with the idea for the hair shirt, which is simply a prickly animal hide worn with the fur turned toward the skin. It was designed to make people suffer for their sins and therefore become more holy. Now that's good Christian clothing.
The troubling thing about this display of flesh is that flesh is at the heart of Christian doctrine, and it is not considered good.
In fact, Christian doctrine says flesh is what got us in trouble in the first place:
Remember when Adam and Eve realized they had eaten the forbidden fruit? They clothed themselves in fig leaves.
Most Christians believe it is not only right to put on clothes, but that the clothes should be modest. Some Christian groups wear nothing but black or gray.
Ministers often do the liturgy in layers of robes. And some clergy wear enormous hats. The pope has big hats and robes that appear to be made of gold.
Billy Graham wears no robes. But he always sports a modest dark suit, a very sincere tie and a white shirt. That's Billy's uniform. Clothing has always been a Christian thing.
Every denomination has a distinct uniform for its clergy. Episcopalian clergy wear collars and black suits. So do Catholic priests. And both of those groups wear elaborate robes with fancy symbolism and design.
Conservative Baptists are three-piece-suit guys. They wear dark suits and ties with no color, just like Billy. Once in a while you'll see a Baptist preacher wear a black robe, and even less frequently you'll see one wear a stole - that thing around the neck that looks like it might be a scarf and signifies being yoked to Christ. And most Baptist clergy have a high-gloss shine on their shoes.
Lutherans, on the other hand, don't polish their shoes. They wear clerical collars for worship, but the rest of the week they're dressed in sport coats. When they conduct worship they dress in simple white robes that cover their scuffed shoes, and they also wear stoles around their necks.
Presbyterian clergy wear academic robes, made of thick velvet, that tell the story of their educations. They're very proud of their educations, and they should be.
So, after all that, it seems to me that nudism is against everything the Christian religion has held dear for hundreds of years. It just isn't right that these people get to have long walks in the buff while the rest of us have to walk around in clothing. When will there be anything resembling justice in our world?
Justice, you see, is a Christian concept. If one group of Christians can worship in the nude, then that should be the mode of dress for all Christians. I say we should all wear big hats and loose flowing white robes to church, sort of like robes of righteousness. Then we would all be equal and comfortable.
Clark Morphew is an ordained clergyman and is religion writer for the St. Paul (Minn.) Pioneer Press.
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