ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Sunday, March 10, 1996 TAG: 9603080042
SECTION: BUSINESS PAGE: G5 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: Working it Out
SOURCE: CAMILLE WRIGHT MILLER
Q. I'm one of three secretaries to a quick-tempered boss. I'm the one he humiliates - through disrespect, rudeness and yelling. Two former employees had similar problems. He said I provoke him by what I say or how I say it. He finally apologized for embarrassing me, but not for yelling. I've worked here five years. Jobs are tight and don't pay as well. What can I do?
A. Julie Jennings, a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Lexington and Covington, says ``There's no way to avoid his behavior. Abusive types generally unleash on those they think they can control. Expect it will happen again.''
Jennings suggests you re-evaluate everything from your behavior to the job market. Are you conveying signals that you're passive and will accept the abusive behavior? If so, begin responding in an assertive manner to signal that you won't tolerate abuse.
You can, Jennings says, ``scrutinize differences between your actions and those of your co-workers.'' Imitate those who aren't targets. Jennings doesn't hold much hope for this approach because abusive bosses often pick ``random targets with no clear reason for the choice.''
If assertiveness or self-modification doesn't bring change, Jennings urges that you don't rule out leaving. In abusive domestic relationships, victims often ``convince themselves they have to put up with it'' because they have no alternatives.
Jennings says, for both types of abuse victims, ``You can always get out.'' Begin looking for a new job. Continue a serious search until you find another job.
Until you find a new job, ``don't personalize the abuse.'' The abuse is his emotional problem. In no way does it reflect on your abilities.
Q. In interviews I've been asked personal and illegal questions. I've even been asked about how my husband's student status would affect my work. How can I politely decline to answer illegal questions without blowing the interview?
A. Despite the law, some employers continue to ask illegal questions. While tempting to point out the illegality, most applicants rightly fear that honesty will cost them job opportunities.
When presented with an illegal question, applicants have several options.
One can answer truthfully, adding a full explanation of how the situation won't affect job performance, for example: ``We'll be here at least three years. Because you're offering exactly the type of work I enjoy, I guarantee you'll be pleased with the dedication I offer.''
Or, reframe the question. If the question is ``Do you plan to leave the area when your husband graduates?'' your dodge is, ``As I mentioned earlier, your company has an excellent reputation for XYZ and I want to be a part of your continued growth.'' This response ignores the illegal question entirely and can redirect the conversation.
Yet another approach is to say, as politely as possible, ``I'd like to answer that, but doing so would lead us into an area of questioning that's illegal. I'd feel terrible if that happened.'' Then move the subject back to your experience.
Consider that answers to earlier legitimate questions can open illegal doors inadvertently. For example, answering a question about what brought you to the area with statements about your spouse easily leads to the kind of question you want to avoid. Rather than talk about your spouse's educational relocation, talk about why the area appeals to you.
If questions aren't inadvertent, notify the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and ask about filing a complaint. You can contact the commission's Richmond office by calling (804) 278-4651. If enough complaints are received on any one company, interview practices are likely to change.
Q. I've been told to read ``The Art of War'' as part of my managerial training. I find this offensive; aren't adversarial attitudes the problem between management and workers?
A. Managers and leaders who have a full understanding of conflict help determine its outcome. Further, those who understand strategy and psychology are rarely surprised by unexpected attacks that damage productivity, working relations and careers.
Conflict is inevitable; any two people will eventually find an area of disagreement. How it's handled determines whether progress will result. ``The Art of War'' is a guide to achieving victory without battle.
While not every principle given is of equal value, readers become aware of their role in conflict, the various ways to approach and manage competition and conflict, and the necessity of recognizing the other side's psychological needs.
Sun Tzu's book is not a battlefield guide. Rather, the classic text is a valuable tool in conflict resolution.
Camille Wright Miller, an organizational behavior sociologist who works in Lexington, answers questions from our readers about workplace issues. Please send them to her in care of The Roanoke Times, Business News Department, P.O. Box 2491, Roanoke 24010.
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